A Daily Anthem

New Blog

2010-07-28T09:27:00.001-05:00

Check out my new review blog:
The Everyday Woman Reviews

I'll be posting there regularly from now on.

Freedom

2010-07-23T15:44:00.002-05:00

I am super psyched - today was the last day of summer school! That means I get 2.5 weeks off to do WHATEVER I WANT (along with whatever "honey do" list my husband comes up with!). Funds are low, so my vacation is going to consist of me reading, lounging by the pool at the clubhouse, taking long walks, and just plain relaxing. Maybe I'll try some prenatal yoga to get my body ready for labor. At any rate, I'm just looking forward to a break from teaching. It is my greatest passion, but without a little respite, there would be no oil left in the well.

So...when money is tight, what do you do for fun? Any suggestions? While we're at it, any good book or movie recommendations?

The Results Are In!!!

2010-07-16T19:34:00.004-05:00

We are officially...TEAM BLUE!!! We are super psyched and couldn't be happier! The ultrasound went GREAT! Baby was very cooperative, and the tech got all the measurements really quickly. When I asked, she said he was measuring right on track. He is already about 9 in from head to toe! She said his spine, heart, and brain all look good. She also said his femur is the right length and he has a strong nasal bone (problems could be an indication of Downs Syndrome). We met with the doctor immediately after the ultrasound, and he confirmed that everything looks great. He tried to listen to the baby's heartbeat with the doppler, but the baby kept dodging him. We'd hear 3 beats and then it would go to static. The doctor was so funny. He joked, "I'm not going to chase you around...we know you're fine, because we just saw you!" Finally, he found the baby way up to the right of my belly button. The doctor was like, "What are you doing way up here?" haha...our baby is already so smart! ;)

I will never forget the look on Matt's face when the tech said, "It's a boy!" Matt jumped out of his chair and said, "It's a boy?!!" He said after the u/s it finally feels real (he wasn't letting himself get his hopes up too high after what happened last time). Now he's talking about painting the nursery bright blue and has been looking at cribs online. Men are so cute!

Anyhow, I know I haven't been updating my blog much lately. I'm going to try to write at least 1-2 times per week. Until next time...thanks for reading, and thank you so much for all your prayers and support!

Hold On For One More Day

2010-07-14T17:29:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow is the big day - it's finally time for our 20 week anatomy scan (a.k.a. the "big" ultrasound)! We hope to find out the baby's gender, but most of all, I hope to hear nothing but good news about how the baby is developing. I have been praying for a healthy spine, brain, and heart for so long...I hope God has been listening! ;) Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers tonight!!

Baby of Mine

2010-06-17T17:26:00.003-05:00

The doctor's visit went great. I just had an infection, which he prescribed an Rx for. He found the heartbeat right away - still going strong at 150 bpm!

Today I was thinking about my own childhood - about books, movies, and songs that made a lasting impression on me so much so that I want to share them with my own children - and this movie/song immediately came to mind:

Ok, I will throw a dollar at anyone who can honestly say this still doesn't choke them up - even just a little :)

Scared!

2010-06-13T20:57:00.002-05:00

So I took Friday off to go downtown with Matt and his sister for the Blackhawks/Stanley Cup parade. It was extremely hot and humid outside. I forgot to eat breakfast. I got a Snickers bar after we got off the train and ate it as we walked. We walked all the way to Michigan Ave. We secured a spot along the parade route and stood, waiting for it to start. After 20-30 min, I noticed how much more crowded it had gotten. I suddenly felt extremely hot and could hardly breathe. I felt like I might throw up. I told Matt I thought I was going to black out. I held on to him and made my way to the sidewalk. I sat down on the curb and waited for Matt to bring me some water and Gatorade. I sat for about a half hour. I started to feel better and was ok to stand when the parade started. When it was over, I walked over to Qdoba for lunch. I felt ok after that. We walked around a bit more and had lunch at The Cafe Lux before heading back to the train to go home.

I decided to take it easy the rest of the weekend. Yesterday we did a little shopping and met up with his family for dinner. After that we rented a movie and relaxed at home. I wasn't cramping or anything, but all day I noticed an uncomfortable itchy/burning sensation "down there." And then, right before bed, I noticed the tiniest bit of pink spotting on the TP when I wiped. I panicked, immediately thinking of what happened almost exactly this time last year. One little spot of pink blood was the first sign that things weren't going to work out.

So I've been freaking out since last night. Hopefully it's just some type of aggravation/infection that can easily be treated. I am taking off work tomorrow and plan to call my dr first thing in the morning for an appointment. All I can do right now is rest and pray it's nothing major.

If you read this, please say a little prayer for the bean. I am 15.5 weeks along right now, almost halfway there. Please pray this baby sticks and I get to meet him/her in December.

:)

2010-05-27T17:37:00.002-05:00

We had another check up yesterday. Everything went great! We heard the heartbeat again - 156 bpm! The dr felt my uterus and said it is the perfect size for this stage in pregnancy. He said he expects everything to continue to go just fine. We asked about the 20 week u/s. We will be able to find out the gender at the end of July. I am psyched! I think it's a boy, but we'll see :) He said there's always a 1-2% chance of birth defects, but that includes mild issues like the ears not measuring the correct size. Hopefully everything is perfect. Even if it's not, my baby will still be perfect :)

Frabjous Joy Callooh Callay

2010-05-05T16:37:00.002-05:00

We heard the heartbeat last Saturday! The doctor said there's less than a 1% chance of anything going wrong at this point (knock on wood, of course!). The little heart was ticking away at over 170 bpm! Now I just keep thanking God for this blessing and praying that the little bean is healthy. I told God I'll never ask for anything again as long as he/she is healthy.

I'm starting to get a little bulge. I'm sure two months from now it will be a lot more noticeable. I'm looking forward to that - right now I just feel fat!

Anyhow, all is well. We are both very excited. We keep praying things continue to go well and that our little one stays strong and healthy.

YEAH!!!

2010-04-20T06:20:00.000-05:00

The u/s yesterday went GREAT! The peanut measured 7w4d (only 3-5 days off from my doc's guess) and had a heart rate of 160! I am still on cloud nine right now. I know we aren't out of the woods yet, but it's hard not to smile after a day like yesterday. :)

V-Day

2010-04-18T17:24:00.002-05:00

Well, tomorrow is V-Day (viability day). Tomorrow we'll either see a healthy heart beating away, or we'll be slammed with the realization that this isn't our sticky baby. I am terrified yet hopeful. I am excited about the future yet fearful my dream may soon become a nightmare. I know it's out of my hands - nothing can save an unhealthy pregnancy, just like very little can stop a healthy pregnancy. What is meant to be, will be. I just pray I'll have a little more than turkey to look forward to this coming Thanksgiving! Please keep the little bean in your thoughts and prayers. I keep praying that God keeps this baby healthy and that He gives me the strength to handle whatever happens tomorrow.

Peace

2010-04-07T19:43:00.003-05:00

Today I feel peaceful. I had my 1st doctor's appointment since getting a positive pregnancy test result. He did an internal exam and even took some swab samples to make sure there are no infections (being the worrier I am, I wanted to make sure my tubes are OK!). He estimated me to be about 6 weeks along; when he felt my uterus, he said it seems to be the right size for this point in the pregnancy (a good sign things are progressing well). I am going to have my 1st u/s next week. Please keep the bean in your prayers - God willing, they will detect a heartbeat this time!

Whether this one works out or not, I am so relieved to have found the doctor we will use to deliver our baby, when the time comes. He listened to all my questions and never made me feel rushed. He was compassionate and thorough. He told me not to jump the gun and worry about this one not working out; but he assured me, if I suffer another miscarriage, he will run every test under the sun to rule out any underlying conditions.

I know whatever happens is out of my control. I also know my dream of being a mother will eventually come true. I just need to sit back, relax, and enjoy the interim.

Hanging by a Moment

2010-04-02T10:47:00.003-05:00

I'm starting to get nervous. I have a doctor's appointment next week, and I'm sure he'll order a u/s for next week or the week after. For almost two weeks, it has been me and the bean. I am falling in love all over again - I just can't help myself. I am so afraid that inevitable u/s is going to crush my dreams and break my heart, just like last time. I have to keep reminding myself, "If God leads you to it, he'll lead you through it." I keep praying and hoping that this time everything will work out.

Wishing & Hoping

2010-03-31T19:31:00.002-05:00

My boobs hurt, my stomach is queasy, everything makes me cry, and I can't get enough cheeseburgers, Ramen Noodles, or sunflower seeds...but I'm happy :) Just had to share!

Movie & Music Monday

2010-03-29T18:28:00.006-05:00

Out of boredom I saw Remember Me last Friday. Originally, I wanted to see The Bounty Hunter, but the show times didn't work with my schedule. So while I was waiting around in Rockford for Matt to get off work so we could go to an Ice Hogs game with one of his co-workers, I decided to give the movie a try, even though I did not understand the Robert Pattinson craze. I will add that, even after seeing this movie, I still don't understand the lust...but he can act.

Remember Me starts with an unexpected surprise. Does it make me morbid that I immediately knew this would be a movie I could get into, given what happens in the first 5 minutes? You should see it and let me know!

The movie has tragedies (plural), love, tension, romance and comedy. The settings and the plots (most of them) felt real. I didn't expect what happened at the end. I guess that's because the previews never hint at it. I probably shouldn't have been as shocked as I was. But when I realized what was going to happen, I felt sad. Usually in a movie you have hope that things will work out, but this time I knew it wasn't going to end up that way.

Remember Me reminds you that family and forgiveness go together, that people really can change, and that teen heartthrobs deserve a chance to prove themselves after they graduate from high school.

As for music, I was going through my CD's today and I came across the Great Expectations soundtrack. It's a decent disc...not my favorite soundtrack ever, but I got a lot of use out of it back in the day. I can't find a studio version of my favorite track on the CD, but here's a live version (even better, right?):

I love Tori! :)

Thankful Thursday

2010-03-25T14:03:00.010-05:00

Today is shaping up to be a good day, and there's a lot left in store! I slept in, then ran to get the rest of Matt's birthday present (bourbon classes from Williams Sonoma) at Algonquin Commons.

I got him two of the smaller glasses. They will go great with the Elijah Craig 18 bourbon I got him!

Then I came home, cleaned up the place a bit, and took a long nap. I'm quite fatigued and bloated lately - but I'm not complaining! :)

Now I am just waiting for Kate, Matt's sister, to get here. We are going to walk around Lincoln Park Zoo for a couple hours before meeting up with one of my friends from Florida at Goose Island around 7:00.

Should be a fun evening - I'm psyched!

So here is what I'm most thankful for this week:
Second chances.
Good times with friends.
Warmer weather.

Peeing = Praying

2010-03-24T20:21:00.004-05:00

Is it sad that I get a little nervous every time I have to pee? Every time I feel a little cramp or pang below my belly button, I pray it doesn't mean something is wrong. I am trying to be positive, and I'm trying not to get too excited, but I occasionally stumble on both accounts. I went to church last Sunday, and I told God I trust Him. I keep reminding myself of that fact several times throughout the day, usually when it's time to empty my bladder.

Movie & Music Monday

2010-03-23T09:56:00.005-05:00

I saw Up in the Air last night. I am usually not a George Clooney fan by any means, but I think he gave a solid performance. I actually felt bad for him at one point! The movie has a few laughs and a few tender moments, but I felt it was incomplete somehow. It's one of those movies that tries really hard not to resolve itself so it seems deeper and more indie than it is. I recommend Up in the Air for a quiet, rainy Sunday afternoon. If you're not sold on it, I recommend skipping it and watching In Good Company instead - similar themes, better ending.

As for music, here's a throwback to my college days (I'm feeling nostalgic lately):

I love A Perfect Circle!!!

Slapdash Sunday

2010-03-22T08:46:00.005-05:00

I won't say exactly *how* it was resolved just yet, but I will say I am no longer worried about premature menopause!

Say It in Six

2010-03-22T08:46:00.001-05:00

The period dilemma has been resolved.

Food & Fashion Friday

2010-03-19T16:03:00.007-05:00

Food-wise, you absolutely MUST try Giordano's stuffed pizza at some point in your life.

I am really craving it right now. I should probably eat light, though, considering I had BK for lunch :-P

As for fashion, I definitely prefer Taylor Swift with curls.

What do you think?

Thankful Thursday

2010-03-19T15:59:00.002-05:00

Three things I am thankful for this week:

My husband.
Having a job I enjoy in this dreadful economy.
Health insurance.

Weekly Challenge

2010-03-17T20:10:00.004-05:00

Well, still no period...and the pregnancy test the doctor ordered today came back negative. I am not under more stress than usual, and my diet hasn't changed, so I'm not sure what's going on. And my weekly challenge is to NOT worry about it. I am going to sit back, eat as healthy as possible, and relax. If my period doesn't arrive by this weekend, I'll take another pregnancy test. If it still comes up negative, I'll wait patiently for it until this time next month. If it still hasn't arrived, I'll take one more test. If it still reads negative, I'll schedule another doctor's appointment. Next week I'm getting some blood work done to rule out a thyroid problem. I am doing everything I can do, and I need to take comfort in that and just live my life and trust that everything will work out. Whether I really am pregnant, my period is just late, or my hormones are out of whack...I'm going to put it in God's hands and push the whole ordeal out of my mind unless some other form of intervention becomes necessary.

Ten on Tuesday

2010-03-17T09:45:00.004-05:00

Here are ten 90's rock songs that I just love:

Far Behind by Candlebox
Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve
Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode
Everybody Hurts by REM
More than Words by Extreme
Fell on Black Days by Soundgarden
Malibu by Courtney Love
If You Could Only See by Tonic
Superman's Dead by Our Lady Peace
Closer by NIN

I am not saying this is my top 10, but it contains songs that would definitely fall in my top 20-30. What are some of your favorites?

Movie & Music Monday

2010-03-15T17:28:00.002-05:00

Most of you don't know this, but I had an emo/industrial rock phase. In fact, I still break out those cherished albums every now and then for a listen. Here is one of my favorite bands from this genre, VAST, at their very finest:

And this band, Ours, gets an honorable mention:

If you're ever feeling down and out, I recommend either band. Listening to their stuff makes you feel like you don't have it so bad after all!

As for movies, I recently watched For Keeps - an oldie but a goody. I remember watching it back when I was a teen and thinking it was *so* romantic. Now I know better. Watching it as an adult made me glad I never dated in high school; it also made me feel lucky to have married someone who loves me as much as Stan loves Darcy.

Slapdash Sunday

2010-03-14T18:31:00.005-05:00

Some synonyms for slapdash are "hasty" and "offhand." That's exactly what this post is going to be like - consider yourself warned. On my blog, Sundays are for venting about what's on my mind...and today there's a lot.

First, where is my period?!?! It is 14 days late. My last period started on January 29, and my cycles are always 30-35 days long. So, what gives? I took two pregnancy tests, and both came back negative. I am worried I have some type of hormonal imbalance or that I'm suffering from an ectopic pregnancy (but wouldn't I test positive on a pg test, if this were the case?). I just want my effing period to get here. For me, it's a refresh button; it lets me move past a failed attempt and onto another round of TTC. In case it is something that could/should be treated, I'm going to schedule a doctors appointment for sometime this week.

Of course my anxiety over these fertility issues has just been compounded by the fact that the whole world is pregnant! Matt's co-worker is pregnant, my co-worker's wife is pregnant, and I just found out a close friend is 11 weeks along. She and I went through our miscarriages at the same time, and while I'm happy for her, it just makes me feel left behind.

What else? Well, I come home from work in excruciating pain every night. My surgeon tells me I'm experiencing a "setback." He says my neck pain should subside and that I just need to take it easy. That's easier said than done when my job requires me to either be running around the center, tending to my students' needs, or sitting in an uncomfortable chair, craning my neck to look at a computer screen. I canceled all my PT appointments for the month and am going into work late three days this week. I am also going to have my co-workers handle the kids all week so I can sit and work on writing their programs. Next week is Spring Break, and I plan to spend it relaxing in my recliner. Hopefully, if I give myself a little break for the next two weeks, my pain will all be gone by the end of the month.

Anyhow, I am done throwing myself a pity party. Whatever is up with my period, I'll find out this week when I visit the doctor. Until then, I have to push it out of my mind. As for my neck, I have been pushing myself to work (at home and the center) at my normal pace. I think I took on too much too soon. I am going to go easy on myself for the rest of March and hope for the best.

Boring Night at Home

2010-03-14T00:19:00.002-06:00

Here is how I spent a boring Saturday night at home, while my husband played his PS3:

Say It in Six

2010-03-13T17:08:00.002-06:00

Here is what is on my radar, in six words or fewer:

Red Lobster's cajun chicken pasta rocks!!!

Challenge Blog

2010-03-08T23:29:00.002-06:00

Just so you know (a few people have asked)...The Daily Challenge blog is no more =( I had to abandon it since I just don't have time to keep up with it now that I'm back at work. It kept me entertained while I was off for six weeks due to medical leave, but now I only have time for this blog. I plan to resurrect the daily themes...maybe I'll include a weekly challenge in the mix.

Oscars: Best Dressed

2010-03-08T17:28:00.008-06:00

I won't share my worst dressed picks, because they weren't *that* bad. But my top two for the night were head and shoulders above the rest, in my opinion.

Elizabeth Banks

Rachel McAdams

I didn't realize how similar these dresses are before. Hmmm. Oh well, there's no denying both ladies looked AMAZING. These photos don't do them justice.

I thought Amanda Seyfried and Demi Moore also looked great.

My pick for best dressed man is Zac Efron.

Now it's your turn to share your picks!

Budget Cuts

2010-03-07T14:16:00.004-06:00

Due to budget cuts (a.k.a. medical bills) my aforementioned Wish List is going to remain just that for a long, long while. Right now our main goal is to pay off all our debt (seems like we're always taking one step forward and two steps back!). I'm not charting or anything, but we're TTC again; we figure our next big purchase will be nursery decor. Until then, we'll continue to throw money at medical and CC bills until they're gone. Then all our extra money will go toward child care. It never ends, does it?

I am mostly bummed about having to wait another year for a patio. A small part of me is hanging on to the hope that somehow we'll find a way to make it happen this year. Crazier things have happened! :)

You and I

2010-03-03T17:46:00.000-06:00

These were posted on DCO (unofficial lyrics)
(David Cook/David Hodges)

U and I [ Note: as sung on 2/27 ]
(David Cook/David Hodges)
the day has just begun; the ocean's all but won and pulled us under
[the wave is looming close]; lets erase the world we know and draw another
with what we love; 'cause what we have is not enough tonight
so tell me you believe in the world that we can't see
we cant help but wonder we cant help but wonder
just U and I, do or die
as the sun burns everything that's in her eyes
so take my hand, take a stand
cause theres nothing left to stop our dreams again
U and I
U and I
when all the kids grow old
and the stars are turning cold; we [fight] this misery
we're running out of years
just scream loud and give three cheers, to one last memory memory
just U and I, do or die
as the sun burns everything that's in her eyes
so take my hand, take a stand
cause theres nothing left to stop our dreams again
U and I ...
U and I
U and I do or die ...
Say farewell ... one last time ...
just U and I, do or die
as the sun burns everything that's in her eyes
so take my hand, take a stand
cause theres nothing left to stop our dreams again ...
just U and I, do or die
as the sun burns everything that's in her eyes
so take my hand, take a stand
cause theres nothing left to stop our dreams again
U and I

9 to 5

2010-02-28T22:49:00.003-06:00

Well, the time has finally arrived...my leave of absence is officially over. Now, for the life of me, I can't remember why I ever felt guilty about being lazy and not wanting to do anything but eat Cheez-Its, blog, or watch soap operas and talk shows.

I think I'm ready to go back (I had to re-type that last sentence about three times). I guess it doesn't really matter, because I'm going back tomorrow, like it or not.

In an effort to prepare myself for the inevitable, I decided to create morning and night time routines to help manage the chaos that will ensue once I rejoin the rest of civilization; I went to www.Flylady.net for some inspiration. Using her suggestions as a starting point, here is what I came up with:

MORNING ROUTINE

1. Rise and Shine
a. Make bed around Matt.
b. Get dressed, fix hair and face in the bathroom.
c. Clean the bathroom while getting ready.
d. Swish the toilet and leave the room never to return till later.
e. Feed and water the critters.
f. Scoop the litter box.

2. Kitchen
a. Make coffee and breakfast.
b. Feed self.
c. Empty the dishwasher if necessary.

3. Think About Your Day
a. Check calendar.
b. Make to-do list for day.
c. Thaw something for dinner.
d. Hit the hotspots. **There may not be any**

4. Now Think About Yourself
a. Take vitamins and medications.
b.Morning Meditation: God, Imagination, Focus, Thanksgiving (GIFT).
c. Make sure have coffee, lunch, Ipod, change of shoes, etc.

BEFORE BED ROUTINE
1. Clean up the house
a. Living room: Pick up and put away things, magazines, dishes, clothes, shoes.
b. Kitchen: Clean it up, shine sink, lay out clean dishcloths, and run the dishwasher.
c. Dining room/entrance: Clear the hot spots.
d. Throw load of laundry in washing machine if necessary.
e. Scoop the litter box.
f. Review checklist.

2. Think about tomorrow.
a. Check calendar and/or planner for appointments.
b. Start "To Do" list for tomorrow.
c. Think about: What can I do tonight that will make tomorrow morning easier? (make lunches?)
d. Gather up items that you do not want to forget and place them in a spot by the door. Make sure you can see them before you walk out.
e. Start Breakfast: Set table and plan what you are cooking (just make a mental note).
f. If you plan to use the crock pot, then get some of those things ready so all you have to do is throw it together.
g. Lay out your clothes for tomorrow.
h. Put clothes in dryer if necessary.

3. Focus on yourself before going to bed.
Cool down time:
Get yourself ready for bed.
a. Shower, brush teeth, clean face, dry hair.
b. Take vitamins and other meds.
c. Put on jammies, or sexy night gown, or... nothing.
d. Fold clothes in dryer if necessary.

Reflect on today's accomplishments:
a.Work on blog/gratitude journal
b. Read for fun.
c.Listen to music. It doesn't matter what kind - just relax, and it has to be something you enjoy, or you won't do it.
d.Prayer and/or Meditation.
e. Snuggle in for the night and lights out. Fall asleep with a smile on your face and in your heart!

For some reason, having everything written out brings me great inner peace. I guess it creates the illusion that I'm in control, even though I know that's really never the case.

I also created a weekly/monthly checklist in Excel of chores to do and errands to run. If you would like a copy, just leave your e-mail address in a comment and I'll pass the file along to you.

Tomorrow begins a new month and a new chapter in my life. I am well on the road to a full recovery now. I still suffer from occasional shoulder pain and stiffness, but my back feels a million times better. To the rest of the world (my husband included), I am capable of what any healthy, active, 28 year old woman should be capable of. No more lounging around, idly passing the time. I have a job to do, a house to clean, a husband to feed...a life to live, no excuses.

House Pics

2010-02-28T16:01:00.005-06:00

Our bathroom is DONE! Walls are painted, accessories have been bought...now it's time to simply ENJOY!

We may eventually install real tile on the floor and walls, but for now, this is it.

Olympic Thoughts

2010-02-28T13:35:00.004-06:00

After watching the Olympics coverage on and off for the past couple weeks, I realized a few things. First, I don't understand the scoring process for figure skating. I don't understand how a skater could be 30 pts ahead of someone else when neither fell or messed up horribly. Can anyone explain this to me?

Second, I don't like curling. I think it's a boring sport. It also lacks visual appeal. I picture all the players walking around with their sporting equipment in one hand and a beer in the other. Matt likes it; why, exactly, is beyond me.

Finally, I am nervous for the USA hockey team. If we beat Canada today, it will be the first time we've won gold for hockey in 30 years! This could be HUGE! I hope we show Canada that they don't own hockey and that we are a formidable opponent and deserve their respect!

Dear Self

2010-02-26T21:05:00.001-06:00

Don't forget to buy underwear, a magic eraser, a bday gift for Kate, and a white container for metal kitchen utensils.

Oh, and it's time to get your coats dry cleaned!

Love,
Me

Wish List

2010-02-24T19:51:00.011-06:00

Matt and I are planning on completing some projects between now and this summer. First, we want to replace our LR couch with something like this:

Then we want to move our current LR couch to the loft so Matt can play his PS3 upstairs. Our loft is small, so we'd have to get a small computer cart like this:

Our LR right now lacks a lot of seating options. We have a three seater couch and one chair. We want the sectional so guests won't have to scurry around looking for a dining room chair to drag into the room and put in front of the tv. The main problem is that our current coffee table is HUGE. Once we get the sectional, we'll probably end up replacing the table we have now with something like this:

Finally, we really want a stone patio so we can use our yard more. We want something like this:

We won't need the half wall and will probably only need something in the 15'x15' size range.

With the market as it is right now, we know we won't be selling anytime soon. We figure we should make the most out of what we have in the meantime!

Spa Day!!!

2010-02-24T19:27:00.006-06:00

Matt and I just got back from spending the day at The Avani Spa at The Abbey Resort.

We made good use of the hot tub, pool, sauna, steam room, and inhalation room. Matt biked in the fitness center while I read my MHC book poolside in a lounge chair. We shared a Cobb salad sandwich and fries for lunch. The whole experience was pure bliss! I recommend a spa day for anyone who needs a day of R&R!

Happiness Ver 2.0

2010-02-23T21:28:00.002-06:00

I’m still working on my letters of thanks!

As for my ideals, here they are:

1. [Professional] I want to secure a public school teaching position within the next two years. To do this I need to update my resume, cover letter, and references and send the information directly to principals and department heads; I also need to commit to checking online job postings weekly.
2. [Personal] I am trying to complain less. I seem to do it the most when I’m around Matt. I can tell it’s annoying him. I don’t pick and nag at him, but he has became my dumping ground; I unload all my negativity, worries, and complaints on him, and that’s not fair. First, I need to remind myself that I am not my thoughts. I need to stop identifying with these negative impulses so much and focus more on what I can do about the issue at hand. Instead of saying, “My neck hurts,” I can simply pop an Aspirin or take a nap without commenting on it. Instead of rehashing how frustrated I am to not be getting any job interviews, I can send my resume to five more principals. I think for the first few days I will literally need to bite my tongue to hold back the complaints, but I’m sure it will become easier as time goes on.
3. [Social] I would like to spend more time with friends and meet some new people. I need to get back in touch with Amy about reinstating “Bachelor” night; actually, I may suggest we turn it in to Martini or Matinee Monday – we can get drinks or see a movie. I am also interested in joining a book club or taking a photography class. I will start looking into the options this week.

Now for some gratitude. A lot of great things happened this week, but here are my favorites:
1. Matt took the whole week off from work, so we get to share some quality time together.
2. I finally bought some new work pants - I am getting closer to having a more pulled together professional look.
3. Matt and I had a really fun time in the city on Sunday. We went back to Intelligentsia for coffee, had drinks at the bar in Trump Tower, and watched the USA vs Canada hockey game at ESPN Zone.

I think the hardest part of the happiness challenge is listing my strengths and ways to build on them. I have been so focused on my job, my health, and trying to start a family I have been neglecting other aspects of my life. And that’s kind of tragic, because I’ve been depriving myself of opportunities to experience joy. After some serious thought, I came up with this:

1. Matt always tells me I’m a good cook; I plan to improve this skill by cooking two real meals per week. Matt and I are both dieting, and he still wants to eat his “healthy” tv dinners a few times per week, so I’ll start off by cooking twice every week. For some people, that’s nothing…but for me, that’s a lot!
2. I love writing. I get a lot of enjoyment from blogging, but I’d like more of a challenge. I recently resurrected my Helium account, so I am going to strive to write at least one article per week. I’ll write more if I have the time, but one is better than none!
3. Finally, I have always fancied myself an artistic sort of person. I can draw and write, and I think I have an eye for photography. I plan to develop my photography skills by taking one picture per day for the next 365 days. I will start on March 1st. I hope to see a marked improvement in my pictures by the end of that project!

I haven’t signed up for a volunteer project yet, but I’m looking into it. I’ll probably sign up for a charity walk and collect donations at work.

I am trying to create morning and evening routines for the work week; I’ll definitely have to work some of this stuff (i.e. job hunting and book club or photography class) into it!

Happiness Is a Fish You Can Catch

2010-02-22T17:06:00.003-06:00

According to an article at Yahoo News, these 5 habits bolster an individual's level of happiness:

1. Writing letters of gratitude to people who have helped in some way.
2. Practicing optimistic thinking (the article suggests visualizing and journaling about an ideal).
3. Writing down three good things that have happened every week.
4. Identifying strengths and trying to use them in new ways.
5. Committing acts of kindness (the article suggests volunteering or donating money to a good cause).

This week I am going to compose some thank you letters, journal about three ideals (personal, professional, and social), list three of my strengths and new ways to use them, and sign up for a volunteer project. I plan to write down three good things that have happened every week on a weekly basis from now on.

Right now I'm off to do some housework and think about my ideals and strengths. I'll be back with more later.

The Plan

2010-02-19T14:08:00.005-06:00

Matt and I are trying to decide what to do tonight. He mentioned going to The Lucky Monk for drinks.

I think the place looks really cool, and I'd love to get out, since I have been housebound all week long. But now Matt is saying he doesn't want to drive. I'm still in a neck brace, so I can't drive. Hopefully, his brother or sister will volunteer to be DD tonight!

As for the rest of the weekend, I have a cache of birthday money and gift cards I'd like to put to use. My goal is to find a pair of gray pants and a pair of brown pants for work; I also want a few cute tops/camisoles. If I have anything left over, I want to buy a new shower curtain and toothbrush holder for the master bathroom.

Matt and I are both off from tonight through next Sunday. As far as I know, the plan is to take some day trips next week. I'm sure we'll go to Lake Geneva one day and Galena another day. I believe we'll also be dedicating a day to re-painting the kitchen and installing a tile backsplash behind the sink.

I can't believe this is my last week of medical leave. Six weeks is a lot quicker than it sounds! The good news is I have another week off coming up at the end of March. I'm sure I'll be exhausted by that point and will need a break!

I'm trying not to worry too much about going back to work. If I've learned anything from my medical woes, it's that all you can do is your best; no amount of stress or effort can stop what's meant to happen from happening. This whole ordeal has improved my ability to go with the flow. I've learned that life will take you to places you never expected you'd be, and in the meantime, you should just focus on what is within your control and let the rest go...enjoy the ride!

Ugh

2010-02-18T13:10:00.002-06:00

Or should I say slug? I have seriously been a lazy bum this week! Sure, I have been doing the dishes and laundry, but I mostly just sit, watch TV, surf the net, and blog. I had a productive week or two, but I'm back to square one. I have also been sleeping in until noon on most days! Granted, I've been staying up until 1:00 or 2:00 most nights...but I just feel so embarrassed by my inability and lack of desire to do anything other than lounge!

Matt is off all next week, so we'll be out and about most days. I can't believe my leave of absence is almost over. A part of me is eager to return to work, and another part of me is afraid I won't have the stamina to keep up with the frenetic pace of my job. Oh well...I still have another week or so left to be a couch potato. I may as well enjoy it while it lasts!

At some point today, I do need to at least clean up the hairball Tucker spit up last night and take a shower. But right now ATWT is on, so that other stuff will have to wait.

Butterflies Are Free

2010-02-18T00:20:00.002-06:00

Butterflies Are Free, a romantic drama made in the 1970's, has stood the test of time. While the styles and some of the lingo are a bit dated, the central themes and emotions are genuine and universal. The three main actors (Goldie Hawn is among them) deliver AMAZING performances.

The movie is about Don, a young blind man who recently moved out of his mother's house in an attempt to establish his independence. One day his neighbor (played by Goldie) drops by for introductions and coffee and there are immediate fireworks. They spend the rest of that day and night getting to know each other; everything appears to be going great until Don's mother shows up unexpectedly and things get complicated.

I won't divulge any other details; I'll just say the film is very entertaining and very touching. There is one scene where Don discovers something and he silently fights back the tears as everyone else in the room bustles about him. The camera focuses on his face during that time, and you can't help but feel what he is feeling. That movie moment has to be one of the best I've ever seen. It really sucked me in and took my breath away. The whole movie is worth seeing for that moment alone. The ending ain't too shabby, either ;)

Ash Wednesday

2010-02-17T12:53:00.003-06:00

For Lent I am giving up soda (was doing really well but I relapsed last week!) and taking on daily prayer.

What are your Lenten promises?

Bella

2010-02-16T21:42:00.004-06:00

While I have seen many movies in the past few weeks, one stands out above the rest:

This is a beautifully written, directed, and acted movie about love - love of family, romantic love, and love of life. It's an uncomplicated story, but its realism grips the viewer from start to finish. The underlying message is simple yet powerful - life's hardships can be survived when love offers us a soft place to fall.

Feel the Love

2010-02-14T13:06:00.007-06:00

Well, I was right about Intelligentsia and The Four Seasons...and they were both a grand slam for the hubby! He did a great job planning a special day for us in the city. He said, knowing what a hard year I've had, he wanted to make it perfect. And it really was perfect.

We woke up around 9:30, got cleaned up, and headed straight for Chicago. We arrived at Intelligentsia by noon. We enjoyed some coffee there for an hour or so (well, he had coffee and I had an iced chai latte). Before leaving, Matt bought two bags of their whole bean coffee for us to take home.

We had to leave the coffee shop by 1:30 because he had made a reservation for 2:00. We hopped back in the car and Matt drove us to The Four Seasons - he had booked a mani/pedi for me at their spa! He walked around Michigan Ave while I was getting my treatment. It was soooo relaxing. First, they gave me a robe and slippers to change into. Then they had me wait in this elegant room with soft music and lighting. I read an issue of Self magazine while I waited for my nail tech to come get me. She came into the room a little after 2:00 and brought me into the nail salon. The pedi was heavenly. She used this exfoliating brush that felt soooo good on my legs and feet. The mani was excellent as well. I love the lotion she used; it smelled like lavender and made me really relaxed and sleepy.

I met Matt in the lobby at 4:00. He was waiting with a little brown bag from Bloomie's in his hand...he had bought me a pair of drop earrings while I was in the spa!

After The Four Seasons, we walked around Michigan Ave until 5:30, before heading to Gene & Georgetti's for dinner. That place is so cool. It's long and narrow when you walk in, with a bar at the front. The lighting is dim and the walls are covered in photos and paintings of the Italian countryside. The servers are all Italian - another nice touch. We arrived just before a mad rush of people, so we were seated right away. They whisked us to the dining area upstairs and handed me two boxes of chocolate on the way up.

Their menu is awesome. They have Italian food, but they also specialize in steak. I ordered the large filet mignon with a blue cheese peppercorn crust; my steak came with fries and a side salad. Needless to say, I was only able to eat the salad and my steak. It was delicious! I still think The Chicago Firehouse was the best steak I've ever had, but this was a close second or third. The ambience and service were so wonderful, I'd say the overall experience was just as good and would recommend it as highly as the Firehouse.

The fourth surprise was supposed to be Tavern at the Park (near Millenium Park), but we were both exhausted and decided to head home to catch the end of the Hawks game.

All in all, it has been an amazing birthday/V-Day weekend. Yesterday was definitely one of my favorite days with Matt so far. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. He's my favorite person! He amazes me to no end and motivates me to be the best person I can be, simply by being who he is.

This weekend is the happiest I have been in a long time. I am feeling optimistic and believe this is an indication of things to come. I think 2010 is going to be a good year after all.

Getting Closer...

2010-02-12T15:13:00.002-06:00

Pretty sure I figured out #1 and 2...

I think "a smart wakeup call" means we're getting Intelligentsia Coffee in the AM.

I think "winter, spring, summer, fall" means we're going to the Four Seasons for something (don't know what for, though).

I am still drawing a blank on the other two clues.

CLUES

2010-02-11T16:40:00.003-06:00

I just got this e-mail from Matt:

Valentine’s Day Surprises!!!!
Saturday…
“You will be escorted to four locations for a range of activities”
Here are your clues….

1. “A Smart wakeup call”
2. “Summer winter fall and spring”
3. “Way back to 1941”
4. “1000 years”

More clues to come…………..

I have NO IDEA what these clues could mean. What do you think?

Best Laid Plans

2010-02-10T23:47:00.002-06:00

Today I was super productive! I organized the contents of our master bathroom cabinets, did the dishes and laundry, dusted, swept, and put away all my birthday loot (this task alone usually takes me 2-3 weeks).

I haven't been using my stepper this week. Aside from time spent doing chores, I have been very sedentary. I also haven't been meditating like I want to. My SIL is coming over tomorrow to watch The Vampire Diaries; she is spending the night since she'll be DD for me and Matt for my birthday extravaganza on Friday. Before she gets here I'd like to have accomplished the following, if nothing else:

-30 minutes on my stepper
-dust upstairs furniture and stair railing
-check birthday dress for zipper functionality (long story short...I might be wearing jeans and a dress top on Friday!)
-take some pictures for photo blog
-meditate for 10 minutes
-shower (sadly, I get a huge sense of accomplishment from this...showering in a neck brace is no easy feat!)

At the pace I'm moving, all this will keep me busy for most of the day.

Revelation

2010-02-10T01:43:00.003-06:00

From my daily challenge project/blog, I have made an important discovery: I love photography! Now that I'm on the road to understanding how it all works, I want to dedicate more of my free time to it. As a result, I won't be blogging at the-daily-challenge.blogspot.com anymore; instead, I will be spending that time taking photographs and blogging about it here. All I wanted out of the original project was to find a constructive way to spend my time. I'll still be doing that...I'll just have more of a focus now.

My Top 3's

2010-02-09T23:21:00.001-06:00

- movie: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The English Patient, Ghost World

- chain restaurant: Claim Jumper, Giordano's, Chili's

- books read: Fahrenheit 451, The Lovely Bones, Truth & Beauty (I also loved Good in Bed, Something Borrowed, The Vampire Diaries series, and anything I've read by Mary Higgins Clark)

- vacations had: Honeymoon in Asheville, NC; Thanksgiving 09 trip w/DH to visit family in MA & CT; Trip w/ ex-bf to Seattle And Whidbey Island, WA

- cooking must-haves: Le Creuset dish, non-stick frying pan, EVOO

- soaps or lotions: Whatever is on sale or whatever people buy me for Xmas and my bday!!

- magazines: Glamour, People, Self

- sweet-tooth pleasures: Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino, ice cream (any kind), cookies (any kind)

Now it's your turn! :)

Productivity

2010-02-09T19:09:00.003-06:00

My MIL bought me a DIY craft project for my birthday. Normally, such a present would have been re-gifted at some point, but I decided to actually follow through with it, since I had the time. Here is the finished product:

I was also able to work on my digital photography skills. I was unable to take pics outdoors, since we're experiencing the first blizzard of 2010 right now...so I just took pics of my cats instead! Here are my favorites from the session:

And here is that last one after making some photoshop-type adjustments:

Let the Good Times Roll

2010-02-07T23:19:00.009-06:00

I love weekends, and this one was no exception. In fact, this weekend was especially great. While my actual birthday is next Friday, I spent this weekend celebrating with my family.

Friday night Matt and I stayed in and watched the Hawks game. Yesterday we woke up bright and early, picked up our car from the shop, then headed to Woodfield. I was on a mission to buy a dress for my birthday party next Friday. I lucked out because Macy's was having a huge sale; I found this awesome dress (usually +$100) for $37:

We started to get hungry so we left Woodfield and grabbed a snack at Panera before heading to Nordstrom Rack. I was hoping to find a pair of jeans there, but no such luck. Fortunately, I did find this beauty for $30:

We killed some time at Borders and then met up with Matt's mom and sister for an early dinner. We went to Westwood Tavern to try out the menu, since we'll just be drinking on Friday. I ordered the pulled chicken tacos...delish!

After dinner everyone came back to our house. Matt's mom and sister brought in a cake and some gifts for me. Matt's mom got me craft supplies, snacks for when I go back to work, cute knickknacks, and a gift card to JCPenney's. I definitely need some new pants, so that will come in really handy!

We spent the rest of the evening watching the Hawks game and A Perfect Getaway. We went to bed around midnight. Matt and I slept in today, while his mom and sister went to mass at St. Mary's. This afternoon Matt ran some errands, and I went to the library with Kate. I got a book on meditating and a book on digital photography.

I went to dinner with Matt's mom, sister, and brother (Matt decided to bum around the house, since he had already eaten). We got back home in time to watch the first two quarters of the Superbowl and the half time show. Then everyone left. Matt and I decided to watch a movie instead, since we're not big football fans.

We watched Lakeview Terrace, which was actually really good. I was pleasantly surprised. I was expecting a cheesy thriller, but instead I got a thought-provoking character drama. Basically, a newly married interracial couple (white man, black woman) moves in next door to a recently widowed black police officer who just happens to be racist. No one handles the situation very well, in my opinion, but that's the beauty of it. The awkwardness makes the scenes very realistic. The movie doesn't force a particular message down your throat; it gives you all the information and invites you to form your own opinions. I enjoyed nuanced subplot centered around the couple's future plans.

So that's my weekend, in a nutshell: a successful shopping trip, good food, quality time with the family, birthday loot, excellent entertainment, and a Blackhawks victory. Hope your weekend was just as good!

The Grass Is Always Greener...

2010-02-05T22:53:00.004-06:00

I should be super duper happy right now. The surgery was a success; I get to sleep in as late as I want; I still have another three weeks off from work; the diet is working; I am blessed with good friends and a loving family; I am young(ish!) and healthy and still have most of my life ahead of me. So what's the problem?

It's not that I'm unhappy. I just feel so blah right now. I'm used to having a list a mile long of things I want to accomplish in a day (i.e. a "purpose"). Not being able to drive, being cooped up in my house all day...I feel so out of my element. I had a stack of books from the library waiting for me when I got home from the hospital, but I never found the motivation to crack one open. I bought new drawing supplies the week before my surgery but have yet to use any of it. My days consist of surfing the internet, using my stepper, monitoring my caloric intake, blogging, and watching my soaps, The Bonnie Hunt Show, and 90210 reruns. Sometimes I'm inspired enough to load the dishwasher or do a load of laundry.

I know it's called recovery, but why do I feel so lazy? I know I shouldn't, but I feel guilty for being so inactive. I should be reveling in this opportunity to be free from responsibilities and the demands of "the real world"; instead, I feel like a caged animal. I feel so uninspired. Blogging and watching TV aren't a luxury right now - they are my only options.

But I want to make the most of it. I know the remainder of my leave is going to fly by. I'll be back at work before I know it, longing for the days when I could lounge at home, my biggest worry being whether or not the next episode of One Tree Hill would be a rerun.

I do have a few goals for myself in the next few weeks: 1) I need to build up to 1 hour of physical activity per day, or I won't have the stamina to make it through an entire work day when I go back in March. 2) I have the time, so I may as well revamp my resume and spend some time applying to teaching positions for the 10/11 school year. 3) This is my chance to really relax, to truly make peace with everything that has happened this past year and move on. I would like to start meditating for 10 minutes every day. I would also like to learn a few yoga moves. The more stress busters I have up my sleeve now, the better I will be in the long run.

I have no reason to complain. Life is good. I am blessed. I just need to accept that this isn't just a cold. I can't just suck it up, be a trooper, and go into the office. I need to give myself the time needed for my wounds to heal and understand that it doesn't make me weak or lazy. It makes me human.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2010-02-04T14:30:00.007-06:00

I have narrowed down the birthday festivity possibilities to two options: Trader Todd's, a karaoke bar in the city, and Westwood Tavern, a restaurant and bar in Schaumburg.

Trader Todd's

Westwood Tavern

I am leaning towards Westwood Tavern. What do you think?

Check Me Out

2010-02-03T21:46:00.005-06:00

So I started another blog, mainly out of boredom. Every day I challenge myself (or accept challenges from others) to do/try something new. I'll still be posting on this blog about my personal experiences and "deep" thoughts whenever the mood strikes me, but I'll be posting on the other blog every day. Check it out: the-daily-challenge.blogspot.com

Couch Potato

2010-02-03T00:03:00.003-06:00

I am becoming somewhat of a couch potato. I stopped walking outside last week because there has been snow on the ground and I can't risk slipping and falling - I'll end up right back in the OR! I haven't been using my stepper, either. A two day respite turned into a whole week of me sitting on my butt watching tv. Granted, I've been feeling run down lately (PMS will do that to you!), but not exercising is only making it worse.

I also feel super lazy because I can't help out around the house. I can't lift more than 5 lbs, and I am supposed to avoid bending and kneeling...at least until my next follow-up appointment. I feel guilty watching Matt do all the work.

So tomorrow I'm going to start easing back into things. I am going to do my stepper for 30 minutes total, do a couple loads of laundry, load the dishwasher, and organize our master bathroom cabinets. What I really want to do is organize my bedroom closet, but that will have to wait since it will entail some heavy lifting.

Now that I've put it all out there, I'm officially accountable for getting this stuff done...hold me to it, guys! ;)

Cabin Fever

2010-01-31T12:15:00.017-06:00

I finally got out for a night on the town! First time since the surgery (maybe even longer). I went to The Chicago Firehouse steakhouse with Matt and his brother. I ordered a 12 oz filet mignon with peppercorn parmesan crust. Matt and I split a side of steamed asparagus. I ordered a chocolate martini and a glass of wine with dinner. The experience was heavenly! Best steak of my life!

Afterwards, we went to The Pump Room. Just our luck, it was the last night for the historic bar and restaurant. It has been bought out by the owner of Studio 54, so who knows what will happen to it. The crowd was really old (I have a feeling it was a hot spot back when they were all in their 20's-30's). I was amused by the women in their 60's and 70's with their silky white hair, makeup piled on, stiletto heels, and fur coats. Some of the men were dressed in gangster-wear, and the women who didn't look like Sza Sza Gabor were dressed like flappers. It was quite a spectacle!

We stopped at Superdawg on the way home (a tradition). I have no idea how Matt and his bro managed to eat a whole second meal, but they did. I just had a hot fudge sundae. Matt's still sleeping/recovering right now, and I'm not feeling so great myself. I'm off to drink more water and pop another Pepsid. Enjoy the pics! :)

Good News

2010-01-28T12:41:00.013-06:00

My first follow-up appointment went very well; x-rays confirmed the bone grafts are still solidly in place, and I was happy to hear my stitches were ready to come out.

People are still asking me exactly what was wrong and what I had done. I found this video, which pretty much sums it up: ACDF procedure
WARNING: Although animated, the video is somewhat graphic.

My doctor told me I can continue to take baby aspirin to prevent clots and that I should take calcium and vitamin B supplements to aid the fusion process. He said in two more weeks, I should be able to switch to a soft collar. I am so happy to know I'll be in a soft collar when my birthday gets here!

Speaking of my birthday, I am off to research some possibilities for the big day. I am trying to find somewhere fun to meet up with a group of people for drinks. Once I narrow down the options, I'll post them on here so you guys can help me choose!

Restless

2010-01-27T17:21:00.002-06:00

I am feeling restless. I chalk it up to too much sleep and too much caffeine. Kate visited me Monday and Tuesday, so my afternoons were fun. We watched celebrity gossip shows and scary movies and chatted about everything from whether my 62 yr old surgeon is single to what I should do for my birthday.

Today I am still stuck on the birthday issue. I really just want to get a group of people together for drinks on Friday, February 12. Not sure whether I should stay local or go with a bar in the city. Right now my top contenders are Blue Razz in South Elgin and Howl at the Moon in Chicago.

More importantly, Matt and I need to decide what to do about our car situation. We just found out the Land Rover either needs $2k or $7k worth of repairs, depending on what the problem is. It will take $200 to diagnose the exact problem. Should we donate/sell this car and buy a slightly used Subaru? What should we do with the Mustang, which is pretty useless in the winter and has 130k miles on it? Advice, please!

I haven't been walking the past two days since I started feeling really sore on Monday. I have a hunch I overdid it a little by walking so much. I am feeling better now, so I plan to walk again tomorrow. I'll probably just skip the stepper.

I have been pretty good about not consuming more than 1200-1500 cal. The scale still says 160 lbs but I am suffering from a horrible case of PMS (explains how I managed to sleep till noon today!) so I pray the number drops once the bloat dissipates.

Tomorrow I at least get a chance to get out for a while, even if it is just for a doctor's appointment. I just hope the doctor says the bone chip is still right where he put it during surgery and things look just perfect. Wish me luck!

Randomness

2010-01-24T14:40:00.002-06:00

I am doing much better with the whole diet and fitness thing now. I have remained within a 1200 cal range and walked for 30 minutes for two days in a row. I will be logging my diet/fitness info on Spark People from now on.

I seem to be healing well. Occasionally my neck makes a clicking sound, which freaks me out a little. But it had been doing that before surgery, so at least I know it's nothing new. My stitches are a little itchy, my hip is still a little sore, but I am able to get around very well now.

In fact, I sometimes stretch my arms or move so liberally I worry I am pushing it. I am paranoid I'm doing something wrong and am going to screw up what the surgeon did. I'm probably worrying unnecessarily, as usual, but that's just who I am! :-D

My follow-up appointment is this Thursday. Hopefully, my doc says everything sounds normal and looks good. I'll keep you posted!

Back in Business

2010-01-22T10:02:00.001-06:00

After making some small changes, my blog is back in business!!

Arrrgh

2010-01-21T07:18:00.003-06:00

Ok so I am not losing any weight. Must be all the juices Matt is making me drink...lots of sugar and calories! I have also been relatively sedentary this week.

So now the plan is to plan my meals and snacks ahead of time and walk on my stepper every day.

Here's the menu for today:
b: Boost smoothie
s: yogurt
l: energy bar
s: string cheese
d: mac & cheese and broccoli w/cheese

I also plan to do my stepper for the duration of 4 songs on my IPod. Next week I'll up it to 6 songs, and will continue to add 2 songs every week thereafter.

I'm Alive!!

2010-01-16T17:02:00.004-06:00

I'll try to rehash as much as I can remember before it is permanently wiped from my memory slate!

I woke up around 8:00 on Thursday. I showered and did my hair, knowing I wouldn't be showering again for 3-5 days (yuck, I know). I made sure my suitcase was all packed up and waited for Matt to get ready.

We left for the hospital around 10:00 and arrived around 10:45. We waited for my pre-op nurse to come get me. She came for me around 10:10. She weighed me and gave me a lovely paper gown and some circulatory socks to put on. I got cozy in the hospital bed and then she hooked me up to an IV and took my vitals. My nurse was totally pre-occupied with something else and took FOREVER to do this stuff, so Matt wasn't able to come back and sit with me for what felt like an eternity.

Finally, she finished up her prep work and brought Matt to me. He sat with me for a while, and then the anesthesiologist showed up. She was Indian and looked to be in her mid 30's. She had a very soothing voice and answered all my questions. FUN FACT: The risk groups for remembering/waking up during a surgical procedure are C Section and trauma patients. She gave me a little something to relax me while I waited for the surgeon to come in.

He eventually showed up and answered some questions. Yes, I was going to wake up in a collar. No, I wasn't going to have any hardware to fuse the vertebra together - just bone from my hip. It would probably take 2 hours.

After my surgical nurse came in and put my cap on and took my vitals again, they wheeled me into the OR. It was much nicer and less Frankenstein-looking than the one I had the D&C in at Sherman. They used a sheet to move me to the OR table. Then the anesthesiologist gave me something and I was out.

I woke up to them saying, "Heather...Heeaathherr...can you squeeze my hand? Good. Can you move your feet? Good." They wheeled me to recovery soon after.

I kept dozing in and out. My throat was less sore than I expected. I wasn't in too much pain, except I couldn't open my left eye! A few hours later, my room still wasn't ready, so they brought Matt back in to sit with me for a while. He helped me eat a couple popsicles. And he was there to hold my hand while the nurse flushed out my eye.

My hospital room wasn't ready until 9:00 at night...keep in mind I was out of surgery by 3:00!! It was nice to finally have a room. Matt's mom, sister, and brother came up to see me and give me some treats, but I was pretty out of it. The anesthesia was still going strong in my system. Matt stayed with me until 10:30 and then left to get some food and some sleep.

I tried to get up and pee around midnight but made the mistake of looking at my IV. I saw all that blood sitting in the tube and almost passed out. They got me back to my bed and gave me anti-nausea meds and some morphine! They said they'd have to put a catheter in if I wasn't able to pee by 5 am. Luckily, nurses were in every 30-60 min so I was able to pee by 2:00 with the help of a nurse. They kept giving me morphine every 4 hours and life was good.

For breakfast I was able to eat the scrambled/fried egg off a breakfast sandwich, and my physical therapist brought me some sherbert. I rested until Matt arrived around 11:00. He brought me a smoothie from Jamba Juice <3

My lunch - baked mostaccoli - came around 1:00. Matt ran down to get a salad so he could eat with me. My nurse came in to get me ready to be discharged after that. By 2:00 I was on my way home!

As soon as I got home I hopped into bed. I rested while Matt ran some errands. After he got home, I realized getting out of bed at home was even harder than in the hospital. somehow I made it through the night, sleeping on the couch and even a small Ikea rocking chair. Matt ran out this morning and got me a nice leather La-Z-Boy. I imagine that will go in our nursery one day. For now, it's my temporary bed in our family room by the big screen tv.

Well, that was my experience. Right now my throat is a little dry, my hip really hurts and it's hard to put weight on that leg, and my neck is a little stiff and sore, but at least I'm not at risk for paralysis anymore! I plan to start walking for an hour each day in 10-15 min increments once I feel up to it. I want to be out of this brace and into a soft collar in 3 weeks.

For now I am off to use my recliner. My shoulder is starting to hurt from all the typing...and the Vicodin is calling my name!

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

2010-01-13T20:31:00.003-06:00

I just hope it comes out for me the day after tomorrow as well! I am having pre-surgery jitters. I am scared I won't be 100% out during the procedure, afraid I won't wake up. I'm also terrified of how I'll feel afterward. This has been such a whirlwind, I don't think I'm completely prepared for what's in store. I think I'll be comfortable tomorrow because I'll be hooked up to an IV and I know they'll up my meds if I'm in pain. But coming home on Friday is going to suck, I bet. All right, I need to think positively. I've been through so much in life...I can handle this, right? I survived all the biological momma drama, being teased/bullied in grade school, growing up in a trailer, a disastrous college relationship, getting my wisdom teeth out (which I was completely awake for!), having to fire an employee, and a miscarriage...I got through all of these things, I can get through tomorrow. Well, I'm off to hydrate before my fasting period begins at midnight. I will post an update when I'm back from the hospital and feeling up to it!

PS- I used my liquid keratin kit. Hair is noticeably less frizzy. I haven't taken a picture that does the results justice yet. I'll post one after I do a second application of it in a few weeks (I have 1/3 of the bottle leftover).

Shopping Spree-ah

2010-01-09T17:12:00.000-06:00

So I got chloraseptic spray, new PJ's, applesauce, chicken soup, tomato soup, smoothie fix-ens, Italian ice, popsicles, yogurt, pre-made smoothies, and Ramen noodles for post-surgery accoutrement. I am ready...bring it on!!

Oooh, I also bought a liquid keratin kit to straighten my hair with tomorrow so I won't have to worry about flat ironing my hair while in recovery mode. I will post pics after I try it out!!

Just Sayin'

2010-01-06T22:04:00.001-06:00

Found this post on a message board related to cervical spine surgery:

"I'm in Canada, land of free health care if ya don't die on a $%&$ waiting list lol...I've been on a "high priority" surgical waiting list since Feb. Hopefully I'll have the surgery before the new yr, fingers crossed"

Personally, I was diagnosed with herniated disks one week ago and will be getting the surgery I need within two and a half weeks of the diagnosis.

This is just one reason why I do not believe in socialized health care. I am all for insurance reform. But I do not want to become Canada. Scary.

Battlescars

2010-01-05T21:33:00.002-06:00

What a day. If you ever need a CT/Myelogram, here is what you can expect...

I woke up at 6:30 this morning and drank 3 pints of orange juice. At 8:00 Matt and I left for the hospital. I drank a low carb Monster and a bottle of water before being admitted into pre-op. (you need to be well-hydrated, and preferably have lots of caffeine in your system, for a Myelo.)

I was admitted to pre-op around 8:45. They gave me a hospital gown and took my vitals. I drank a Pepsi and more water, while relaxing in the room until about 11:00. At that point they wheeled me into the procedure room. The dr explained what was going to happen and the risks involved. He said the risks were that the puncture wouldn't seal and spinal fluid would leak out, causing a massive headache and requiring a blood patch. He also said dye could get into the head and cause a seizure. FUN! Of course I started crying. But I got it out of my system quickly and sent Matt off to wait for me in the cafeteria.

The dr and his assistant positioned me on my stomach a cold metal bed. They put a pillow under my stomach (when your tummy is full of soda -- not comfortable!) so my vertebra would spread out. I guess there was some paperwork issue so I had to lie flat on my stomach for like 5 minutes before they got started.

Then the dr rubbed my back with iodine. He injected a local anesthesia to numb the area. That hurt like a bitch. The assistant was really nice and let me squeeze the shit out of her hand. Then he inserted the epidural-like needle into my spinal canal. He had to move it around a bit to find the right position. I can't begin to describe how that felt. It made my whole lower half feel kind of warm and achy. At one point, my leg got all tingly and went numb. Luckily, it only lasted a second. Then my stomach started to turn; I felt like I was going to puke and then pass out.

The assistant brought over a bucket for me to throw up into. I think I did soon after the dye was in. All that Pepsi came right back up. Then they removed the pillow from beneath me and I was fine after that. Then they tipped the table forward so the dye would move to my cervical spine. I had to kink my neck so the dye wouldn't go into my head. They spent about 15 minutes taking x-rays before sending me for the CT scan. Luckily, that only took about 5 minutes.

Then I was reunited with Matt and wheeled back to recovery. I had to lie in bed at a 45 degree angle for 4 hours before being released. I still haven't gotten the infamous Myelo headache *fingers crossed*

I was released around 5:00. Upon standing up, I realized my lower back and hips were in terrible pain. I would compare it to PMS cramps from hell. I imagine it's what labor cramps feel like, actually. My back still hurts really bad, but I'm hoping it's better when I wake up.

All in all, it wasn't as bad as what I expected. But I can honestly say I hope I never have to go through it again!!

Ideas

2010-01-04T16:26:00.001-06:00

Just c/p'ing a list I found on a cervical stenosis message board. I think I'm going to start preparing now!!

BEFORE SURGERY:

place your telephone next to your bed;
if you do the cooking, prepare a week of meals in advance and freeze them;
select someone to do your chores;
pick someone to change your dressing;
place frequently used items at waist level to minimize bending;
remove things which may cause you to trip;
if your bedroom is upstairs, and your bathroom is downstairs, consider moving downstairs for a few days;
select someone to drive you to appointments for a few weeks; and,
pick someone to drive your children to school.
Rent a LAPTOP with Wireless Access.

Things to Buy:
Stool Softener
Bottled Water
DOVE CHOCOLATES WITH CARAMEL.
Bendy Straws
Chloraseptic Spray/Lozenges
Soft foods - pudding, soups, mashed potatoes(butter-sour ream), V8 Juice, Ensure. Yogurt, ice cream, popsicles, jello cups, pre-made puddings & tapioca, protein bars, cereal, microwave oatmeal, bananas, chicken stock, Lean Cuisines, pre-made mashed potatoes, cookies, chocolate, lettuce, salad dressing, cheese, lunch meat, hot dogs, bread, bakery items, Tuna.

Frozen fruit for blending smoothies.
Protein Powder [will assist with bone fusion, particularly if you cannot chew much]
Bag of ice – small cubes
Ice chips to help dry or sore throat
Paper plates and plastic cups
Candy, sugarless gum
Mints
Vitamins
Non-slip mat for shower
Hand shower
Toilet riser with or without side handles - $15-$25 (if needed)
Bedpan if necessary
Walker and/or cane per doctor
Personal Items
Deodorant body wipes / wet wipes for freshening up (Drug Store has near the Depends. They are a large size.)
Pre-moistened facial cleansing cloths
Dry shampoo $5 from specialty beauty store
Powder – Shower to Shower or other
Face cream (I would suggest small sizes)
Hand cream
Body lotion for itchy skin
Lip balm, Chapstick
Mouthwash
Throat lozenges / Chloraseptic Spray
Kleenex
Wound dressings per doctor
Thermometer to check temp after surgery
Prune Juice taken with a dose of Milk of Magnesia for dire cases of constipation - it takes about 2 hours, then you are good to go (pun intended).

Handy Items
-Grabber/picker – preferably 36” long. Perhaps one in bedroom and one in living room. $10-$25
-Long handled shoe horn. $5
-Grabber-like thing to pull on socks with, or think about wearing flip flops or open-backed shoes.
-Pill Organizer or notepad to keep track of what you need to take when and to make notations of when you take your meds.
-Bedtray
-Bell, cell phone or walkie talkies to contact caregivers
-Microwaveable hot packs –great for aching shoulders, etc.
-Satin sheets for easy sliding in and of bed. Or satin PJ's.
-"Turning sheet" strip of heavy fabric that you put under you so that you can have a signficant other pull to turn you over as needed, particularly good for those first few days.
-Cold packs in freezer prior to surgery
-Phone near the bed. Get a wireless or wireless adapter from Radio Shack o Cellphone and charger o Blackberry, Treo and chargers
-IPod, headphones, charger o Update your playlists
-Books, magazines, audio books, crosswords, Sudoku o Booklight
-Plastic containers to hold and organize items you will use while confined to bed. Also to use after mouthwash or for small trash.
-Put all the reading materials, crosswords, pencils, etc. in one. Put personal cleansing items in another.
-Small, lightweight pitcher for water next to bed
-Paper towels near bed
-Small wash basin near bed
-Small bucket for nausea next to bed
-Small garbage bags nearby
-Towel that lies flat on the bed beside you. Put items you may use on top then just pull the towel toward you to retrieve items you can’t reach.
-Extra pillows to help with comfortable positions
-Additional sheets, blankets, pillows near recliner, sofa, chair in living room
-Recliner, if possible. Some find recliners work, others don't - they can be hard to get out of.
-Think about placing every day items at waist height even if it means storing on counters.
-Slippers - not too loose with good soles
-Bathrobe
-Front buttoned shirts or zipper tops for trips to PT and doctor
-Sweat pants
-Yoga pants
-Front button pajamas – numerous sets

Comfort Items
Lots of pillows, body, small, wedge, cervical, etc.
If you are planning on much reading or computer (laptop) work post-op, consider a stand that adjusts in position and height like a hospital bed tray –Brookstone. $150; There are less expensive ones around $60-70. Make sure they fit under your favorite chair.
Books to read.
To Do Prior To Surgery
• Shave, wax, pedicure, manicure, etc. right before surgery.
• Hair cut
• Give all doctor names and numbers to caregiver(s) as well as next to your bed
• Put together phone numbers of all concerned family members and friends on one sheet
• Check with your doctor for handicap sticker
• All grooming/personal supplies waist high to avoid reaching/bending
• Organize essential items at home to be within reach, e.g. telephone, shoes, etc.
• Arrange for care - someone to be with you for most of the first week post-discharge
• Give blood prior to surgery and/or family members
• Checks made out for bills, stamped envelopes ready or online payments done in advance
• Have some cash handy for family members to run errands.
• Car keys and house keys given to appropriate caregivers

Boredom Relievers
• Laptop
• Magazines, books
• Audio books
• Crosswords
• Sudoku
• DVDs o Order prior to surgery if belong to Netflix or other service
------------------------------------------------------------

Take to Hospital
(check with hospital in case you receive items during stay)
• Button up pajamas
• Bathrobe to cover up if use a Johnny
• Hairbrush/Comb
• Toothbrush and toothpaste
• Mouthwash
• Facial wipes
• Body wipes
• Hand Cream
• Facial Cream
• Lip Balm
• Loose clothing to come home in o Underwear o Front button top o Socks o Comfortable, safe shoes
• Magazine, crosswords, notepad, pencil
• Glasses
• Laptop, if you want - a lot of hospitals have wireless access in the rooms

Crap

2009-12-31T14:19:00.002-06:00

So I have to get the CT/Myelogram. Apparently, it is the "gold standard" for my situation; it is also the road map the surgeon will use to navigate my insides while I am under the knife.

Basically, the doctor said my herniated discs (plural!) are causing compression of my spinal cord. If this worsens (I'd have to take a bad fall or be in an accident or something), I could eventually be paralyzed from the neck down. Whoa...in that case, surgery it is!

And I will be out of work for 6 whole weeks. That is kinda cool, as I am pretty burnt out, to be honest. But that means we'll have to dip into some money Matt has through work (not sure if it's the 401k, but something like that) to make ends meet while I'm out.

And, seriously...is it baby season or something? I swear every single person I know on Facebook is pregnant right now. Everyone's profile pic is of their burgeoning bun in the oven. I am happy for everybody, but it's a painful reminder that I get to start 2010 with spinal surgery instead of TTC. I know there is plenty of time for babies and that right now getting 100% healthy is the most important thing, but it's just a big disappointment.

Oh well...that's life, right? I am doing better with everything today. I have accepted that there is no other option and I need to have surgery to live the healthiest and safest life I can live and be in the best shape possible for child bearing.

To think I was going to cancel my ortho appointment and stick with the chiropractor. I never would have found out about my discs and would have been a walking time bomb. While my situation sucks, for that I am very fortunate.

So, surgery prep begins. Please post book, movie, tv series recommendations...6 weeks is a long time, and I'm going to need something to do to fill every idle moment!

FAIL

2009-12-30T20:47:00.001-06:00

So I canceled my CT/ Myelogram. Believe me, you would do the same...seriously, look up the risks and side effects of the procedure. Yikes! Tomorrow Matt and I meet with my orthopedic surgeon. I will know more by noon tomorrow. I just want to get this shit over with. Keep me in your prayers.

Feeling Low

2009-12-29T10:17:00.003-06:00

I feel like I just can't catch a break. I was hoping things would be looking up in 2010 after all the shit I had to go through (having to fire an employee, back pain since January, the miscarriage) in 2009. But I just found out yesterday I need to have surgery on my cervical spine (neck area). Apparently, I have two discs that are herniated; they need to be removed, new bone needs to be grafted in between them, and then they need to be fused together. I'll be out of work at least two whole weeks and will have limited mobility in my neck for up to three months. We have excellent insurance, but I'm sure this will put us back $1-2k, and I have a feeling our Land Rover still needs work. We were trying so hard to be debt-free when we have a baby. Now I'll have to put off trying to conceive even longer. I just feel like things will never be good again. I miss my parents; I feel isolated at work; and I feel like I'll never have the one thing I want more than anything else. I guess this is just an "off" day and I'll feel better after we talk to the doctor more on Thursday, after I go in for a CAT scan and myelogram tomorrow.

Address Change

2009-12-27T17:02:00.001-06:00

Just wanted to mention that my blog web address has changed from pretty-amazing-grace.blogspot.com to a-daily-anthem.blogspot.com.

Highlights

2009-12-18T18:22:00.003-06:00

Just a "quick" update (I always start with the intention of brevity)...

Things are going well, overall. Matt found out his position won't be terminated after two years; in fact, it is going to expand and he'll probably get a larger territory and a raise. That gives us good peace of mind as we continue our efforts to start a family.

Today was my last day of work before Christmas break. This year has been so emotionally taxing. I have resolved to return to work refreshed after two weeks off. I have also resolved not to get too involved in my students' lives. I need to understand I can't save them. They need to start taking more personal responsibility for their own happiness and future. I don't want to hash out any gory details right now. Let's just say between suicide attempts, cancer scares, drug addictions, house arrest sentences, and court dates galore, my emotional reserve is cashed.

My plans for Christmas break? Well, this weekend the goal is simply to RELAX and HAVE FUN!!! Tonight we're staying in to watch the Hawks game. Tomorrow night we're meeting up with some friends at The Barley House for drinks.

Monday I have to go to St. Joseph's Hospital for an MRI of my neck (I got a 2nd opinion from a different orthopedic dr and he says it's actually my NECK that has been causing my back pain!), a whole body bone density scan, and blood work to see if I have arthritis. If I do have arthritis, as I suspect I do (it's either arthritis, lupus, or a food allergy!), I'll need to take baby aspirin daily when I get pregnant again to protect my baby. Whatever it is, it is an auto-immune issue and I need to be pro-active to prevent future miscarriages. I have totally eliminated diet soda from my diet, which has definitely reduced my flare ups. Then Monday night I am meeting up with a friend at Houlihan's for dinner.

Tuesday I am taking the Rover in for an oil change and a general check up. Then I plan to do my Christmas shopping...finally! I think I'll get bourbon and some boxers for Matt (we're keeping it light, to put money toward our CC's, to be in the best possible financial shape for a baby someday). I plan to get Kate (I'm her Secret Santa) some sweet treats, maybe a water bottle for the gym, a gift card to Express, and a magazine subscription of some kind. Not sure what to do for my parents...maybe a nice Yankee Candle Co candle and a personalized calendar.

We will be hosting Christmas Eve at our house. I think we'll be serving turkey, stuffing, potatoes of some type, and veggies. I also want to make something special for dessert. I am definitely not a baker, so I will keep you posted on my foray into the world of pastries! Should be interesting!

We'll be going to Matt's parents' house Christmas Day. More food and probably some board games, too.

The rest of my vacation is currently unplanned...and I like it that way! I predict a few visits to the bookstore to catch up on my gossip mags. I also plan to go to the theater to see some movies, since I haven't actually gone to the movies since The Time Traveler's Wife. I'd also like to work on the children's book I'm writing (my half-sister has agreed to be my illustrator!) and take in a few more Mary Higgins Clark novels. Maybe I'll even try a few new recipes, since I'll certainly have the time and energy.

Anyhow, that's the plan for the next few weeks. I haven't been too focused on my 101 in 1001. In fact, I'll have to scratch a few items off my list as a total FAIL (i.e. no alcoholic drinks except red wine...ha!). Maybe I'll take care of a few of those goals while I'm off. If I do, I'll be sure to post a recap here. That reminds me, I still need to post about the other items I already scratched off! Geez...I am so behind!

I will try to be more diligent in my blogging. It is a good release for me emotionally and mentally. I will aim to post an update at least 1-2 times per week.

I hope all is well with all my readers (all five of you! ;) Each of you, please "have yourself a merry little Christmas." "Deck the halls," and be sure to post all the sordid details on YOUR blogs!

Peace out,
Heather

How I Spent My Thanksgiving Vacation

2009-11-28T21:13:00.002-06:00

Last Saturday morning Matt and I loaded up our car and took off for Rochester, NY. We spent the night at his friend's house. He made us ribs, salad, and french onion soup (from scratch!) for dinner. We goofed around with his kids for a few hours and then played Phase 10 with him and his wife. My favorite memory from that night: When their 6 year old son was play fighting with Matt, he said, "You want ribs? I'll rip open your chest and pull out your ribs!" After we laughed about that one, I said, "Wow...you're very smart...how do you know where your ribs are?" To that, he replied, "I learned it in school...my teacher shows us her body parts." LOL!!

The next morning we woke up, showered, got packed up, and had lunch at Five Guys with Matt's friend and his family. Then they showed us around the Eerie Canal before we set off for my parents' house in East Granby, CT.

After blowing through a toll booth (oops!) and taking a few wrong turns, we arrived at my parents' house around 7:00 PM on Sunday. My mom had made lemon pepper chicken and homemade mac and cheese for us...soooo good! We spent the next few hours eating and catching up with my parents. The highlight from that night: My dad's totally inappropriate joke about the 70 year old couple who wanted to try to have a baby. LOL!

Monday Matt and I went to Northampton, MA with my mom. We went to an artsy fartsy coffee shop where I ordered hot cocoa. Then we walked around the shops and had a late lunch at the Northampton Brewery. I ordered their spicy chicken salad, and it was SPICY!!! Everything there was spicy...my salad, Matt's fries, my mom's chili. But their beer was awesome. My mom and I split the sampler paddle, and Matt tried their IPA.

That night we met up with my cousin, Ashley, in Hartford, CT. She showed us around her condo and then drove us into the city where we had snacks and beer at The Black Bear Saloon. We hung out with her and her ex-boyfriend for a few hours before heading back to my parents' place to crash for the night.

Tuesday we had brunch at The Greenleaf Cafe in East Granby before heading over to my biological father's house. Matt was meeting him for the first time. He showed us around the fixer upper he bought and is currently living in. It needs A LOT of work, but it definitely has potential. We played PS3 with him while waiting for my half-sister to get off work. Then we all headed to Opa, Opa (a steakhouse and brewery) in MA for dinner. I had their filet mignon with a blue cheese crust, and I tried their stout. It was the.best.stout I have ever tried in my life!! After dinner we went back to my biological dad's house and watched Beer Fest. It was a totally raunchy movie, and I can't believe he watched it with my half-sister sitting right next to him on the couch. It was sort of awkward! haha

Wednesday my mom and dad gave us the driving tour of CT. We drove through the mountains and by a beautiful reservoir. We stopped at a country store back in MA and then a Christmas shop where I got a pair of earrings and a Christmas Tree scented candle. That night we went out with my cousins, Ashley, Cheryl, Ali, and Curt. I drank about six Midori sours. After Cheryl left, Matt bought me and Ashley an oatmeal cookie shot. A few minutes later, the bartender set two more shots in front of us. Apparently, someone in the bar was buying us drinks! I guessed they didn't realize Matt was with us. We did the shots, and a few minutes later this geeky kid who looked like he was about 12 years old came up to us with jello shooters. He saw Matt at that point and said, "Sorry, I didn't realize you were in the picture...kind of wish you weren't, though!" He ended up buying Matt a jello shooter, too. Then he showed us cat scratches he had all over his body. We totally thought he was gay because of how he was talking and acting. I was trying so hard not to laugh in front of him, but Ashley was unfazed. She later said, "I'm used to it." LOL!

We crashed at my aunt and uncle's lake house that night. Then we woke up to the smell of turkey roasting and soup simmering down in the kitchen the next morning. We got up, got dressed, and went downstairs to join the Thanksgiving party. We mingled in the kitchen for a few hours before eating. Then we ate, played Mad Gab, sang karaoke, and headed upstairs for some pool and darts. We got pictures with all the relatives who showed up (some relatives totally blew off the Thanksgiving party and chance to see me for the first time in 4+ years, but I won't go into it) before heading back to my parents' for the last time. That night we helped my mom create a Facebook account and just chatted for a while over leftovers before heading off to bed.

In the morning, my parents took us to breakfast at Friendly's before we began our 14 hour trek back to Chicagoland. I cried saying goodbye, and it was hard to let go of my mom, but I feel so much relief after spending quality time with them and seeing how well they seem to be doing. Everyone loved Matt, we shared a lot of laughs, had a lot of fun, and made some good memories...I wouldn't change one thing about the trip.

We got back home around 10:00 last night. When we pulled in the driveway, it hit me how much I had missed my house and life. I loved my vacation, but being away made me more aware of what I have going for me here in IL. I feel very lucky to have a great husband, cute kitties, beautiful house, stable job, and bright future. I had one of my favorite Thanksgiving breaks ever...hope you all did, too!!

Back in the Saddle Award

2009-11-09T17:06:00.003-06:00

Woohoo...2 blog awards in a week! Go me! =) T over at Life as a G gave me this award, which I truly appreciate. I do feel like I've been through a lot since last May. Things are finally settling down...life is returning to "normal." I just hit me the other day -- I survived. I feel stronger for what I've been through, more appreciative of what I do have, and hopeful for the future. Thanks for the award...I really love the meaning behind this one! ;)

Background: This award is given to bloggers that are "Back in the Saddle" of life. This may be someone who is undergoing medical treatments, restarting his/her life, resurfacing after a tragedy, or someone who is just trying to sport a new attitude. Recipients have an attitude of a fighter, strive to be a winner of the battle, and show determination.

Rules: There were some rules, but I have decided not to pass this one along. I'm going to cheat and keep it for myself. Muahahah! I deserve it, right? ;)

Thanks again!!!

Heartfelt Award

2009-11-09T16:59:00.003-06:00

The wonderful Tamela gave me this Heartfelt Award.

I appreciate all my readers for sticking with me, even though things have been rather slow lately. So many of you already were or have become close friends since I started this blog...I'm lucky to have you in my life! =)

Anyway, here's what you do:

* Display the logo.
* Nominate up to 9 blogs that make you feel comfy or warm inside.
* Link to your nominees.
* Let them know they have been nominated by commenting.
* Link to the person from whom you received the award.
* And , **drumroll**

Here are my picks for 3 Heartfelt Awards

sum of awe
Life as a G
La Buena Vida

Awards

2009-11-08T18:35:00.000-06:00

T and Tamela...thank you for the blog awards!! I haven't been able to blog much lately, but things seem to be settling down now. I will add those awards sometime this week.

FYI

2009-10-29T17:22:00.000-05:00

Absinthe is just as effective as bourbon.

Interview

2009-10-23T17:02:00.002-05:00

Turns out the interview was only a "20 minute screener," which no one informed me of. Asst Principal saw I have managerial experience and went off on crazy tangent questions I didn't know how to answer (i.e. "How do you handle jealously from co-workers who feel they may be more qualified than you for the position you have...because in this position we're hiring for, you'd be managing ESL teachers who have been doing this for 10+ years and may feel they are more qualified than you are.") I responded the best I could (basically said I would just keep it professional and stay focused on my job description and not get embroiled in petty personal conflicts and just let the teachers know I'm there to support them, not critique them). I had to point out I do not have a Reading endorsement; at that point, the Asst Principal's expression fell. I was pretty sure I wouldn't want this job anyway...I'd be working with teachers way more than students, and that's my least favorite part of the job I have now! It's also a grant-funded position and can only be renewed for up to 3 years. Too much pressure to meet unrealistic demands, if you ask me. Basically, they're expecting an ESL "specialist" to come in and show the ESL teachers how to get better results (i.e. standardized test scores). No matter what this "specialist" ends up doing, it won't compensate for the home lives of these kids. I highly doubt their scores will go up as a result of this position, and I speculate the contract will not be renewed. Just being realistic here. I do plan to follow up with the Principal next week. I want to thank her for the opportunity to interview and express my interest in interviewing for future English and/or ESL positions that might become available.

What's a Girl to Do?

2009-10-19T16:41:00.004-05:00

So...I got a call from Simmons MS. I never applied for a job there. The voicemail I received said they got my info off the Kane Co Consortium. I'm assuming that means they saw me and are interested. The only current job listing for Simmons MS is for an ESL Interventionist. I have NO IDEA what that means! The position requires an MA and a Reading Endorsement, neither of which I have. I am halfway to an MA, but I still have 6 courses to go. I already scheduled an interview for Wednesday at 2:00. Do you think it's still worth it? How would you approach the position, if you weren't 100% sure of the specifics or if you were even qualified enough for it?

Also, I like the job I have now. Petty personality conflicts with co-teachers aside, it is a rewarding experience. And it is a stable position - my job isn't going anywhere and is there if I want it. Of course my ultimate goal is to get a public school position, but I just fear budget issues could lead to any ESL-related job I might take getting cut. Then I'd be back to square one.

Would you risk the sure-thing for something that *might* be better? I mean, there is no guarantee I'd like teaching ESL. Is it worth the gamble? I am so bad at taking risks. I generally hate change, unless I am 100% sure it is for the better. I tend to anticipate the worst-case scenario, which makes me even more nervous about trying something new.

I just don't want to be another unemployed teacher in the state of Illinois. I am honestly lucky I am even teaching at all...English positions are hard to come by! I know plenty of certified teachers currently working in retail because they can't find a teaching position. Is it selfish or naive to aim higher in these economic times, when things are pretty decent as they are? Do you think the adage "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" applies here? Thoughts? Advice? HELP!!!!

Who Knew

2009-10-08T17:24:00.004-05:00

I had no idea bourbon is so strong!! I took about 3 swigs from one of the bottles in Matt's bourbon collection as soon as I got home (it has seriously been the week from Hell). I thought, I know they use this stuff in movies to take the edge off or help along a minor illness (i.e. sore throat). Well...3 swigs + 15 minutes = officially drunk. My neck is relaxed and my head isn't pounding anymore, so maybe bourbon has some medicinal value after all!

What has made this week so horrendous, you ask? I couldn't even tell you! It isn't just one thing...it's like a million little things. My students did nothing but complain all week; due to lack of funds, I didn't get my usual morning java fix this week; I was short one staff member all week, so just the two of us had to balance managing the students, corresponding with admin and the district, and running IEP meetings in the back room; like I said - all little annoyances, right?!

Well, here is the kicker...Lakewood Homes no longer owns my subdivision, which means all development has ceased; if another company doesn't swoop down and grab this property and start building again, the second half of our development might not be kept up, which might not be good for resale value. This is what has me the most upset and concerned. We thought buying here would be a wise decision and would allow us to eventually (I'm talking 5-7 years) move into our Forever Home. I know this situation is economy-dictated, so I guess things could turn around if/when the economy picks up. It is just disappointing. I feel like Lakewood just left us stranded out here. Hopefully, it all works out for the best. Nothing I can do about it right now, so I'm just going to enjoy my house, be thankful I even have one in these tough times, and try not to worry about it.

The silver lining? No students tomorrow or Monday (yes, I have to work Monday)!! And tonight is a new episode of The Vampire Diaries!

Matt and I may try for a weekend getaway, which means we'll be running errands (haircuts, oil changes, new license plate sticker for the Rover, etc) like crazy tomorrow evening. I don't know if I'm up for that, but I need to get OUT - the idea of being anywhere but here Saturday and Sunday sure is appealing! :-P

Just Another Random Blog Post

2009-10-04T18:53:00.003-05:00

I just tried a few beauty tricks I read about in Women's Health; first, I rubbed a fresh lemon all over my face before hopping in the shower, and then I exfoliated my entire body with a scrub before doing anything else - apparently, it works better when the skin is semi-dry. I'll let you know if I notice a difference from the usual approach! :)

Not much is new around these parts. It was an extremely low-key weekend. Funds were low because Matt decided to go on a shopping spree at Restoration Hardware the week before. We basically picked up some of our favorite adult beverages from Binny's and spent most of the weekend relaxing and enjoying each other's company. We did take a trip to the Commons yesterday to window shop and grab some treats from Sonic, and today we took a a little road trip to a nearby town to enjoy the weather and try out a new coffee shop.

Right now we're in the throes of paying off all remaining debt; we want to start TTC again in December, and it is our goal to be debt-free when the baby arrives. We've had to make some sacrifices, but it will be worth it!

Just poured myself a glass of Cabernet...now I'm off to drink it and enjoy a cheese-tastic Lifetime movie!!

Life Made Easier

2009-09-26T18:53:00.011-05:00

I love www.realsimple.com. Here are some tips I recently picked up from the site:

Use a picture frame lined with pretty paper as a tray

Re-purpose a ketchup bottle as a pancake batter dispenser

Store plastic bags in an empty tissue box

Remove stains from plastic or light wood cutting blocks using lemon (let sit for 20 min)

Cover a wine box with pretty wrapping paper and use it as a shoe rack

Hang purses on shower hooks

Snow will slide right off a shovel coated in cooking spray!!

Lollipops can be used in place of stirrers

Skip a towel rack and hang towels on hooks instead...no folding required!

Fear Itself

2009-09-25T17:14:00.004-05:00

I am starting to buy into the whole "the greatest fear is fear itself" thing. Earlier in the week my co-worker made another off-hand comment, which I interpreted as her questioning whether or not I was enforcing certain policies. It bothered me all morning. I truly felt she was critiquing me/my methods too much and that the issue needed to be addressed. I pulled her aside after my lunch break and said something to the effect of, "I just want to make sure you know if you ever see a student sleeping, wearing a hoodie, with food or drink, it is well within your job description to handle it. You don't need to check in with me first. I completely trust your judgment." I let her know none of the policies had changed and that I certainly enforce all our rules, but sometimes I can't get to it as quickly because I have other, more pressing duties to attend to first as center director. I explained that's why there are three of us and that I appreciate her being so perceptive and on top of discipline. She came right out and said she didn't mean to sound as if she was questioning me (a) she realized how her comment may have been perceived, or b) she really was questioning me and wanted to backtrack, realizing I won't be standing for that anymore). Either way, there is now less tension and I feel empowered to be more direct going forward. It may seem like a small step, but for me it is a leap. I can manage my students and maintain strong district relationships like a pro, but when it comes to standing up for myself, I am a wimp. I am sick of feeling like a door mat, so I'm going to address issues as they arise from now on and not let things fester. I have finally proven to myself that confronting an issue right away and moving past it isn't nearly as difficult as dealing with a chronic problem.

Fall Colors

2009-09-23T18:45:00.002-05:00

I love autumn. I love being surrounded by orange, red, and yellow. I love the smell of apples and cinnamon. I love cuddling on the couch with the sliding glass door open, a blanket over my lap, and a glass of wine in my hand. I love TV premieres and the anticipation of holiday gatherings. I love decorating my house with pumpkins and gourds. I love being able to go for a long walk without feeling like a disgusting mess afterward. Autumn is a time of family and friends; it is a time of reflection and gratitude; it signals the end of yet another year, which brings the promise of a new beginning. It's amazing how a faint chill in the air can warm your soul.

More to Love

2009-09-15T20:18:00.004-05:00

I just got sucked into the season finale of More to Love. Never watched an episode before...never cared to, either. This formula really works! I swore I'd give up The Bachelor like a billion seasons ago, yet I keep tuning in. Why?!?!? As for this plus-sized version, I think I want him to choose the Iranian chick/model....we shall see!

Soo...what's new with me? The weekend was a blur. We spent some time with Matt's family on Friday and Saturday. Then on Sunday we had brunch at the Morton Arboretum and walked around for a few hours. The weather was beautiful, and we got to just talk things over, focus on each other, really enjoy each others company. We finally came to an agreement on visiting my family - he is finally really planning to take a trip to Massachusetts with me!! Looks like we'll be going over Thanksgiving break, if he gets that Mon-Wed off. I also need to request that time off. We need a whole week plus bookend weekends for the trip, since we'll be driving there. I am psyched!!

Things are better at work, as far as the co-worker is concerned. I am trying not to focus on it so much. I am trying to see things from her perspective, and deep down I know she has the students' and center's best interest at heart. Being direct usually works with her, so that's the plan from here on out.

A bunch of other crap is going on at work, though. Poor communication between the high school counselors and our records department has caused major friction. Because I am center director, of course I am stuck in the middle. I have pandering to both sides, to appease the records department, which works closely with my boss, and to appease the counselors, who help decide whether or not to renew our contract at the end of the year. I feel like right now all my eggs are in one basket; the current plan is to update my resume with my new certification info and start applying to public school jobs (a middle ESL position was just posted!) ASAP. I don't want to still be doing this same job 10 years from now. As much as I love it, I know inertia can take over and derail even the best laid plans.

Well, I better go....Luke is about to propose!!

Acoustic

2009-09-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

OMG. I love this version. It is even better than the studio recording!!!

Burn Burn

2009-09-11T19:29:00.002-05:00

I firmly believe there is at least one song in the OLP library for everyone's musical tastes. In honor of the newest album (their 7th release) by my favorite band of all time, Our Lady Peace, I present you with a small sampling. I urge you, check them out--

All You Did Was Save My Life

I'll Never Get Over You

Enjoy!! =)

Dirrrty

2009-09-10T22:09:00.002-05:00

I feel dirty. I just watched "17 Again" and now I have a slight crush on Zac Efron. Is that bad? I can't help it! He even cried real tears in a pivotal scene ::sigh:: He was really really good! Or maybe I'm just drunk.....

Either way, I'm crushing.

A Day is a Day is a Day

2009-09-08T17:13:00.002-05:00

I had a good day back at work! I was crazy busy, but things between my company and the district (long story) are smoothed over, the kids were super manageable (they partied too hard over the weekend!), and my staff and I were able to clean the center from top to bottom. Tomorrow will be another busy one, and on top of that, I need to reschedule my physical therapy appointment and call the DeKalb ROE to see if my certificate has been registered - don't let me forget! ;)

I have been equally as productive on the homefront. As soon as I got home today, I did the dishes, dusted downstairs, started a load of laundry, and vacuumed upstairs. I plan to start dinner soon, before sweeping and vacuuming down here. I like to clean at the beginning of every week, so I come home to a calming environment.

I have been challenged by Lindsay (and so have you! check out her blog: girlmoneymission.blogspot.com) to run ~26 mi in a month. I already "ran" a mile the other day, and I plan to pull on my sneakers after I'm done with this entry to add another mile to the tally.

As far as the diet goes, I'm doing okay. I was not able to resist ALL carbs over the weekend. And I had a Diet Coke today. :-/ BUT I significantly reduced my carb/sugar intake, and I have not had a sugar/creamer-laden coffee drink since swearing off such sinful goodness. I don't feel as sore or tired today, nor does my mouth feel like the Sahara (let's just say, I was previously living in a constant state of dehydration).

I better log my food intake, while I'm at it: b: egg beaters on an English muffin w/butter, yogurt, water/ l: trail mix, low carb protein bar, Diet Coke/ s: 1 triscuit (I caved). I think I'm going to make chicken, beans, and broccoli for dinner.

Anyhow, I am off to change into my running gear. The open road awaits!

It Ends Tonight

2009-09-05T14:13:00.003-05:00

I have come to the determination that I eat too many carbs. I have been fighting my addiction ever since I tried a low carb diet for the first time a few years ago. But now I am realizing what I am eating is hurting me more than I ever knew!

Long story short....I am giving up caffeine. Day 1 off it and no shoulder pain! WTF? After experiencing extreme joint pain all week, I have decided to lay off the caffeine and sugar (including all bread and my beloved iced coffee). I just can't do this anymore. Let's just say, it is affecting ALL areas of my health (even down south...and my dr even told me what is happening is caused by too many carbs).

My mom is diabetic, so it's quite possible I have an insulin resistance. This would explain the joint pain, dry skin, and fatigue...and it could have contributed to the miscarriage I suffered, if it led to clotting.

We want to try again starting in December. It is my goal to be in tip top shape when the time comes. If there is anything I can do to live my best life and prevent another loss, I am going to do it. The more I read into things, the more I am seeing some things need to change....starting with my diet. I also plan to exercise regularly (just "ran" a mile today!).

Before it was about vanity. Now it's about my health and future fertility. It's on, bitch!! Wish me luck! :)

Wordy Wednesday

2009-09-02T14:33:00.002-05:00

Life is crazy today!! I don't think I ever mentioned that I got two root canals done a while ago...I was mid process (had--and still have--temporary teeth) when I became pregnant, so I never got my crowns. Well, one of the temporaries fell off a month ago, and I just kept putting off getting it put back on...I was just sick of being at the doctor's all the time. Well, I called my dentist office today and they told me to come in ASAP because the gum can grow over the post. Yikes! I am about to go get it looked at...I seriously hope they don't have to cut my gums at all...there is no pain worse than that!! I lost the temporary, so they'll have to take a mold and order a new temporary, which means I'll have to take more time off work next week to get it put on. Argh!!!!

I also called my orthopedic doctor about my shoulder, which has started bothering me again. It felt fine during pregnancy, because of all the muscle-relaxing hormones my body was producing. But now the pain is back with a vengeance! He ordered physical therapy for me, so I plan to call that office tomorrow to schedule something soon. I can't wait to have full range of motion in my right shoulder again - it has been bothering me since I fell last January!

Things are good, other than all that. We are almost done painting upstairs. We will be getting a new desk and seating for the loft area soon...we're even thinking of getting an Xbox, or something like that, so we'll have something to do in the winter.

I changed my benefits at work...now $13 will be taken from each paycheck so I can get 60% of my salary when I'm out on maternity leave in the future! I had no idea you can use Short-Term Disability for maternity leave. Hope this info is helpful to someone else out there!

Anyway, I am off to the see the dentist...please pray the doctor doesn't scold me for putting it off for so long and that the gums haven't started to grow over the post!!!

Bienvenidos a mi casa

2009-09-01T17:31:00.001-05:00

Here's a picture of the outside....actual posts coming soon!!

Spic & Span

2009-08-31T18:01:00.006-05:00

I just finished de-cluttering/cleaning the house, so I figured I should take some pictures of the place in its finest form. Here are the results of an hour's worth of labor:

Time...Where Did You Go?

2009-08-27T17:02:00.001-05:00

Hey all, just posting a quick update. Nothing new to report here, except the school year started on Monday so I've been REALLY busy lately. I am low on steam this week. I will be back after the weekend with a longer, more interesting post. I am still reading what you guys write, so keep it up! A captive audience is out there, even though it's sometimes not as responsive as it would like to be! :)

A Simple Twist of Fate

2009-08-21T18:41:00.003-05:00

To update you all on the doctor visit situation...the doctor called me yesterday to apologize for what happened on Wednesday. She said if she had known what was happening out in the waiting room (adding that she herself has gone through a miscarriage), she would have insisted on seeing me. She answered all my questions and gave me the green light to try again after one cycle. I think we are planning to wait until November to try again, for other reasons, but it is good to know she didn't find any red flags upon sampling the tissue that was removed.

As for the certification debacle, the Illinois Board of Education called me today to inform me I will be receiving my Illinois Standard Certificate mid-week next week. They made a point to tell me how many exceptions they had to make for me, because I don't have 5 years of teaching experience (I guess subbing doesn't count, which contradicts what I had been told previously!). It is ridiculous...because I don't have student teaching experience, they were requiring 5 years regular teaching experience. How a student teaching position is more valued than an actual teaching position is beyond me.

She said my certificate will be good for high school English. I hope they specify that I can teach grades 6-12, like I could in Florida. If they don't honor that endorsement, that means I will have to take a course on middle school instruction to have that endorsement added to my certificate. Seriously, this is all a money-making scam. Forget the fact that I taught 7th/8th grade Language Arts in Florida for two years...Illinois is basically implying I need an additional course to prove to them I can teach middle school. Really, it is ridiculous.

But I am just happy I'll at least have what I need to keep my current position and apply for other high school positions. I can always knock that extra course out online, if absolutely necessary. You do what you have to do, right?

Grrrrrrrr

2009-08-19T18:03:00.004-05:00

I am so mad right now! I left work two hours early today so I could go to my post D&C follow up appointment at the hospital. I got bloodwork done first (when will it end??) at the outpatient lab and then headed to the doctor's office (not my regular doctor...the one who actually performed the D&C). I waited for a good twenty minutes before the secretary told me I have a balance of $79.00. Apparently, it is what insurance is telling them we owe for the D&C. First of all, I had no clue this was coming. We haven't gotten this bill in the mail yet, and no one from the office called to warn me about this before my appointment. Sorry, but no one should ever show up expecting to be charged a $20.00 co-pay only to receive this news. Second, I tried to explain that hospital services for certain days were submitted through my insurance under the wrong member number and right now we're in the process of having everything re-evaluated. I explained I don't want to pay anything until everything is corrected/finalized. The secretary was like, "You can pay it now and we can always pay you back later." UH, NO. Like I'd ever see that money again! Sooooo many things wrong with this situation! Ultimately, I left without being seen by the doctor. So hopefully all is well in my uterus. I am never going back to Sherman Hospital for anything.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm

2009-08-18T22:45:00.002-05:00

So I tried to "friend" a co-worker from a few years ago on Facebook, and here's the message I got in response:

"Sorry, Heather. I've made a point of keeping my Facebook entirely separate from my work/ professional life. There's just a lot of wierd aspects of my personality that I fear would hurt my career so I make sure they never get near the office. Sorry.

P.S. I'm so glad that you're doing well, both personally and professionally."

I think the guy is into WOW and stuff like that. Don't know what could be so bad he doesn't want me or other co-workers to see. I totally understand and respect his choice to keep his personal and professional lives separate, but now I feel kind of bad for even trying to friend him. :(

And They're Off!

2009-08-16T18:59:00.004-05:00

Matt and I went to Arlington Park for Dan's birthday yesterday. I really enjoyed it. The weather was perfect, I got some much-needed sun, Kate came with us, and we got to see Steve for the first time in months. Matt and I were lazy and didn't withdraw cash before getting to the park. I tried to get some from the ATM inside Arlington, but the required withdrawal minimum was $50!! Luckily, Steve lent me a few bucks so I could bid on some races. For one race I predicted Taletobetold would win, just because I liked the name. It did win, but of course I didn't bid on that one, so I lost out big time. For the last race, I told Steve to go with Takeachanceonme. He put $5 on that horse and it came in 1st place, odds 17-1, so he won almost $100!

I took this picture of me and Matt near the end of the day. Like my designer knock-off glasses? ;)

Today we slept in and then went to 12:00 mass (2nd week in a row-yay for us!!). Afterward, we ran to Best Buy so Matt could buy speakers for a presentation he has to give for work on Tuesday. Then we had coffee and read for a while at Borders before heading to Wal Mart to buy groceries for the week. I'm always amazed at how easy it is to blow $50+ at Wal Mart, Target, or the like. Where does the money go??

Hope you all had a great time this weekend. What did you do?

The Best Things in Life Are Free

2009-08-16T18:24:00.002-05:00

I come bearing gifts!! I just discovered http://www.hulu.com/, a cool site where you can supposedly find clips, behind-the-scenes footage, and entire episodes of your favorite shows. I haven't had a chance to fully explore the site yet, so I'm hoping it lives up to my expectations and contains quality files and an easy-to-use interface. I hope the promise of finding old favorites like the "Passion" episode of Buffy or the series finale of Six Feet Under excites you as much as it does me!!