"Blah" pretty much sums up how I've been feeling this past week. I'm sick of grad school, sick of my male co-worker, sick of rude parents treating me like shit, sick of my own parents giving me grief for not visiting, sick of myself for not losing weight, not exercising more, and not holding up better mentally/emotionally under all the pressure.
I am too hard on myself...this, I know. Unfortunately, I doubt it will ever change. I worry about things that will never happen and try to avoid altogether the crappy stuff that actually happens. I don't stand up for myself when people take advantage of or talk down to me. I am too nice, and I don't know how not to be. I think too much about yesterday and tomorrow and not enough about today.
Lately, I can't sit still. I always feel like I'm in a hurry. I have been irritable and just plain no fun to be around.
And I can't stop. I feel stuck in a cycle that keeps repeating itself, regardless of how much I want it to end. I start off every day with the best of intentions, but before I know it, I am thinking negatively again. I am worrying about tomorrow instead of enjoying today. I am imagining the worst instead of hoping for the best.
I am seriously exhausted. I know things will get better once grad school is over. And I know things will get even better once my male co-worker is a non factor. But honestly, until I find a more constructive way to deal with stress and learn how to stand up for myself, I am going to keep finding myself right back here in the same mess. It will be the same story, different setting, ad nauseum.
What do you guys do when you're stuck in a vicious cycle of beating yourself up, dwelling on the negative, feeling so overwhelmed it's impossible to turn off your thoughts and just enjoy the weekend?
It was hard for me to think of things I want to accomplish in May that aren't work or school-related. I feel like I'm losing sight of my own hobbies and interests, which I'm sure isn't helping matters. I need some ideas on how to get it together and feel in control and on top of things again!
3 comments:
I think you're fun to be around :)
Which reminds me...we need to plan a get together soon!!!
I know just how you feel. I am so hard on myself and take it upon myself to worry about every little thing. I feel that if I don't worry about it, it won't turn out right because no one is worry about it. Crazy I know. I also put way too much work on myself, because I am too nice to say I can't do it. So I end up getting really stressed out and want to scream. I am slowly learning that I can't do everything in the world and I need to stop taking on so many tasks.
Just take a breather and decided if it is really worth worrying over. I find that if I make myself a list of things I need to get accomplished and list them most important to least important it helps me get my priorities straight.
Feel better and try not to worry too much. Oh, and take lots of bubble baths! Thats how I dewind from a stressful day at work. Bubbles, candles and soft music with the lights off soaking in my bubble bath. Helps me tons.
When I get that way, I exercise. Try the Biggest Loser workout DVDs. They are fun, challenging, but do-able.
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