Mother Knows Best

I guess all those paranoid thoughts/concerns I was having from the beginning weren't so irrational after all. I think I knew deep down something wasn't right from the start.

My betas are dropping. Down to 52,000 from 53,000. To give you all some perspective, they should be > 100,000 by now.

Maybe this sounds bad, but I am kind of glad the numbers dropped. I knew I had to be at least 8 weeks along. And to not see a heartbeat or any kind of movement by this point is dire. After the u/s yesterday, I knew it wasn't good. But I was willing to hang on and keep hoping if my numbers were to continue rising. But that would have been worse....to keep hoping and believing only to arrive at the same devastating conclusion a week or more down the line.

So now I have a decision to make....D&C, pill, or wait it out? D&C takes care of things immediately. You don't remember anything, it isn't painful like the pill can be, and some say it's even cleansing. Then you can just spend some time healing and try again. However, it can cause scar tissue, which can affect future pregnancies.

The pill...I'm not crazy about this option. I have heard many horror stories about women who have taken it only to have to go into the ER 12+ hours later and get a D&C anyway.

As for waiting it out, it could take another 3-4 weeks to happen....or it could only take 3-4 days. I have heard you can try again sooner if you go this route. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to think about this right now, but this is really happening.

There is no hope for my baby now. But maybe tonight you could say a prayer for me....that something happens soon on its own, so I won't have to make this awful decision, that it will be made for me, that it will end quickly so I can move forward with my life, past this pain.