Good In Bed

I just finished Jennifer Weiner's debut novel, Good In Bed. Initially, it seemed like it would be light fun; but as the story progressed, the themes deepened - and so did my appreciation for what the book has to offer.

About a third of the way in, I really began to identify with the main character. Cannie Shapiro, like 90% of the women I know, struggles with her body image. Of course her insecurities aren't completely unfounded; Cannie is, in fact, a "larger" woman. But she also has a large personality and great success, and I love that about her. Cannie isn't a wallflower or incredibly unconfident. She is snarky and caustic at times, and real and endearing at others. She masks her vulnerability with sarcasm, which makes for entertaining dialogue. She comes off as tough, and this complicates her relationships. By the end of the book, I realized Cannie isn't really tough - she is strong.

The book starts off with the aftermath of Cannie's decision to take a "break" from her longtime boyfriend. After he publishes an article about loving a larger woman (referring to Cannie) in the magazine he writes for, Cannie experiences a range of emotions - from anger to nostalgia and regret. She ultimately decides Bruce really loved and understood her. She figures she made a mistake and wants him back (she thinks she does, anyway).

I went through a very similar experience in college. After two years of dating someone, I just didn't feel that spark anymore. I felt trapped. I told him we should see other people. Of course he hounded me for weeks and played mind games and told me no one else would love me like he did - and I believed him. So we got back together. BIG MISTAKE. I spent the next two years completely unsatisfied, feeling like, So this is all there is to life? My self-esteem took a nosedive, and I fell into a deep depression (there were other factors, which I'll get to later).

Like Cannie, I eventually came to my senses and got the strength to do what was best for me. And just like Cannie, I had to weather a lot of "unnecessary" hardships to get to the point where I could finally see the light and knew what I had to do, regardless of what anyone else thought.

I also related to Cannie's abandonment issues and how they diminished her feelings of self-worth. When Cannie was a child, her father ditched her, her mother, and her siblings and started a "new" family. Whatever contact Cannie had with him after that was filled with criticism and negatvity. He was cold and detached. Eventually, he disappeared completely. I won't reveal how that particular storyline ends, but I will say it is heart-wrenching and (unfortunately) very realistic.

I have suffered from abandonment issues since my infancy; my biological mother was neglecting me, so my grandparents stepped in and adopted me. But I guess her not coming when I would cry for her, and my biological father not wanting anything to do with me until later in life, left a mark. For the longest time, I would sneak into my parents' (grandparents, biologically) room every night to make sure they were still there. And I would question why anyone wanted to be in my life, since my biological parents obviously didn't. I am older and wiser now, and so thankful for the loving childhood my parents gave me...and things turned out ok with the biological parents in the end, too...but I still feel an occasional pang of insecurity and wonder if my husband will one day decide I'm not worth it.

Moving on...Cannie ends up pregnant with Bruce's child about halfway through Good In Bed. Their relationship is still in shambles...she wants him, he doesn't know what he wants...she sends him a letter informing him of the pregnancy, which he ignores...that is also a heart-wrenching plotline filled with emotion and suspense. I can also relate on that front because I got pregnant by my college boyfriend after we reconciled. I won't discuss the matter any further, except to say I have no children. The events that unfolded in the two years after I took him back constituted the darkest and most painful period of my life. I can't say I am 100% at peace with everything that happened, but I can't change the past. I can only learn from it, be thankful for my blessings now, and move forward with a strong resolve to do better, to be better.

The book ends on a similar note, and it gives me hope that my future can be as bright as Cannie's. I think the darkest hours are behind us both.

I give Good In Bed *** stars out of ****.