Against All Odds

I am just so damn angry today. Just when I'm starting to make peace with everything that has happened recently, something else goes wrong.

First, to update you all on things...I had to have a D&C yesterday. After spotting for over a week without miscarrying, and after checking my HCG levels, my doctor decided a D&C would be necessary. They concluded there must be a lot more tissue than normal in my uterus and that my body was simply not physically able to expel it.

The procedure went well. I arrived at the hospital at 8 AM. At 8:45 they took me into the prepping room. I got into my gown, they took my vitals and asked a lot of medical questions, hooked me up to an IV, etc. The doctor came in to tell me how common miscarriage is and that is has honestly happened to most women, even though some don't realize they have experienced one. Matt had to leave at 9:30, so I waited in the room alone until 10:00. At that point, the surgical nurse came in to get me. She wheeled me down a long corridor into the scary OR. It was freezing cold in the room. The walls were covered in yellow tile and there were metal tables and surgical tools everywhere. There were huge machines and those lights that hang down over the body while they're operating. The anesthesiologist said he was going to give me something to relax me. I asked how long it would take to start working and he said only a couple minutes. They moved me from my bed to the operating table. The surgeon's wife (also a surgeon) was going to be assisting him. She came over to me and held my hand and said she was sorry that my first surgery was for this reason. Next the anesthesiologist said he was going to give me something for the pain. That is the last thing I can remember.

Then comes the weird part...not sure if this really happened or if it was a dream. If it was a dream, it's the only one I had the whole time I was out, so something tells me it really happened. I have a vague recollection of the surgical nurse holding the jarred remains of my baby in front of me. She said something like, "Here it is." I remember reaching out to touch the jar. I have a feeling I asked to see it. Whether it was real or a dream, I am glad I got to say goodbye.

The tissue will be analyzed for chromosomal abnormalities, etc. and reviewed with me at my follow-up appointment in two weeks. After the procedure, I vaguely remember being wheeled to recovery. I kept asking that nurse, "Was I a good patient?" Weird. Did I mention I'm a type-A people pleaser? :-D I kept drifting in and out of consciousness in recovery for a good 30 minutes. Eventually, they moved me to the second recovery room. I got to sit in a recliner, and they served me soda and crackers. My sister-in-law joined me at that point. We sat in there for another 30 minutes or so before I was released.

All in all, the surgery went well. I am glad I had it. It was pain-free and wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I have a sense of closure now and feel good about spending the next 3 months emotionally and physically preparing for round two.

Ok...so why the bad mood, you ask? Sadly, I found out last week that my father has emphysema. So now on top of recovering from a miscarriage, I am being guilted by my mother about when I will be able to visit them in Massachusetts. First, I don't fly. Second, we don't have the money for an extended road trip halfway across the country, especially given our medical expenses now. I am worried about my dad, feel bad that I can't get out to see him anytime soon...and that's not it.

Here's the next PITA I'm currently dealing with...a whopping three months ago I sent an application to the DeKalb County ROE for my IL professional teaching certificate. After a month with no update on the ISBE website, I called to follow up. The lady was like, "Your name doesn't ring a bell. I have never seen your application. Oh wait, here it is. It's on my desk." WTF?!?!? So she forwarded it to the state the next day? Nope. Two or three weeks later! So then the state takes their sweet time processing it. Finally, today I checked the ISBE and they will not be issuing me a certificate. Instead, I will be receiving ANOTHER deficiency statement. Again...WTF?!?!?!? What now? Seriously. My last deficiency statement said all I needed was 5 years teaching experience. Well, I have officially satisfied that requirement. So what gives? I plan to call tomorrow to see what's going on. Please pray that I can keep my cool on the phone. I have a bad tendency of getting all emotional over this stupid stuff and annoying the person on the other end to the point where they feel like hurting me instead of helping me. Please pray that tomorrow goes well. I honestly don't know if I can take more bad news.

They say bad things happen in three's. I hope that's true. That would mean my bad luck streak has come to an end. Hopefully, things are looking up from here.