Vroom Vroom the Party Starter

In my last post I brought up the concept of your "Lost Possible Self." Over the years, I have come to realize something about myself....I will never be the "Party Starter." I will never be the insane chick dancing on the tabletops. I will never be outrageously tatted out, pierced to high heavens, living on a diet consisting solely of cigarettes and energy drinks. I will never dye my hair a vivid shade of red and wear clothing that is a) extremely revealing, or b) mismatched and looks like it comes from another decade. I will never live one second at a time, neither worrying about the future nor ruminating on the past. I will never use drugs recreationally or work as an exotic dancer. I will never quit my job to follow my favorite musician on tour. I will never juggle three men at a time.

Nor will I ever buy all my clothes from J crew and all my furniture from Restoration Hardware. I will never choose champagne over beer and wear heels, no matter the occasion. My house will always be neat but will never come close to being as pristine or organized as a museum. I will never master the art of folding and/or hanging laundry correctly. I will never switch from plastic to wooden hangers. I will never cook seven meals a week and clean up afterwards. I will never host a tupperware party. I will never be the woman who has the perfect hair and body, despite being a mother of three. I will never have my own stylist or personal trainer. I will never be the woman who everyone's gaze turns to as she enters the room. I will never be the perfect wife, friend, or mother.

I don't condemn any of these things. Honestly, a part of me has always wanted to be able to pull some of these things off. And I have met quite a few memorable individuals who fit these descriptions pretty darn closely.

I fall somewhere in between the two. And maybe none of these aspirations are worth having, because they are not a true depiction of who I am or who I am meant to be. I am still trying to figure out both, but knowing who I am not and who I will never be definitely helps narrow down the possibilities. The good thing about being somewhere in between is that it makes you a little more unique, a little less predictable. If no one knows exactly what to expect, maybe they're likely to be pleased with whatever they get....myself included.